"Mama What Do You Want For Mother's Day?"

"If you could have anything you wanted for Mother's Day Mama, What would it be?"

My sweet baby girl......What I want doesn't come all wrapped up in a pretty box with a bright pink bow. It doesn't come from a store. You can't make, bake, or create what I'm about to share with you......

What I want is for you to see  that I'm trying real hard to be the Mama you, your brothers and sisters deserve to have. What I want is for you to know that I've messed up and I know I have given you days done all wrong.....And more than likely this sinned soaked Mama is gonna do it again. But I'm praying........

I want you to know I'm always praying for God to give me grace in this journey I'm sharing with you. and I want you to know that I pray for each and every one of you. I want God to give you all your heart's desires......I want His Love and protection to encompass your very souls..... What I want is for you to keep your JOY in every trial that comes your way. I want you to share Jesus with others. I want you to live this life knowing you've done all you could to further God's kingdom and to share His Love. I want you to work hard and give what you can. I want you to stay true and real. I want you to stand up for what's right......For what honors God.

I want you to know that in this life your gonna have struggles......But it's in God that you find your strength. I want you to continue to read your Bibles right on into your golden years. I want you to be happy....remember to stop, pause and pray and ask God to help you make the right decisions in this life, for what you choose matters in the next life. I want you to be responsible and own up to what is done wrong.

What I want is for you to know how deeply I love each and everyone of you! And although I have my days where they are turned inside out, remember I'm always trying to get it right because you deserve the best! I want you to know that I'll always have your back. You can always come to me with anything that troubles your heart and stirs up your mind. This Mama's heart is full because each of you have etched a place deep with in......And I can't imagine not ever having the chance of being your Mama....I can't imagine life without any of you.

What do I want?.........What more could I want?  I have God's greatest blessings sharing this life with me.....

John Hunter

Chyanne Kimberlyn

Summer Skye

John Kole

Autum Reign
and
Zoey Anne

I've got everything I could ever want right here!

I'll Just Dance In The Rain!

I've been in thankful praise, even through what they label as morning sickness, although mine comes mostly late afternoon and on into the night. For seven weeks I've kept quiet, waiting for just the right time. So excited inside and yet so cautious not wanting to get too emotionally attached to the idea. Because I know what it's like to get all wound up in the beauty of it all and then to have your bundle of hope swept away.  I'm very well aware that the Lord who gives is the very Lord who takes away. Never knowing why, just knowing He knows best and He loves me most!

I'm still ever so careful but it's hard not to smile at the very thought of this little being growing inside of me. And as hard as I may try to keep my emotions from running wild, I must say I'm already in LOVE. And this is what I've been patiently waiting for.....This is what I've been praying for. Wondering if this is what God wants for me....for us. And then one night on the wings of a dove this little baby came to be. And as He is knitting her/him together inside of me I can't help but think how blessed, how truly blessed I feel. Baby made out of love, being woven together by God's Grace. 

Now I know some are bound to say having 6 is too many........And that's okay, it may be too many......for them. But I have to tell you I'm loving my life, how full my life is. I said after my third child that I was done......But GOD changed my heart and we asked for our fourth. I thought I would be good at four, then God changed my heart once again and we asked Him for five........

Now in the later years of our lives I come to my man telling him I'm still not sure if I want this to be it.....So I prayed and my man and I talked.....a lot! and then we asked God for number six. 

And I stand here in awe. Looking back at our lives and how we both met. Everything that was done was orchestrated by our Heavenly Father. And the more and more we give it all to Him, the more and more our faith grows.....The more and more our love grows. 

I'm truly thankful, truly in love with my God and all that He has blessed me with. 

Remember this is my walk and I will not judge you for just having 1 or 2 if you don't judge us for wanting 6......

So if you were thinking about raining on my parade......That's okay I'll just dance in the rain! 

P.S.  For quite a while now I've been wanting to coin the phrase, "My man and I and our half dozen kids!" Don't you just love the sound of that? "Smile"

Loving Conviction

When the mundane tends to fill your days and the laundry buries your joy, there is always a way out. When lazy bones take over and the "why should I bother?" moments settle in, don't forget to look out and look up.

Because so soon does the full moon rise and another day is done. Your going to wonder where it went.....Every precious moment. Yes,  even the teary eyed, scream all day, mess after mess moments....I promise, you will want to find your Joy during these struggles.

It isn't any joy that a night out with the girls can fix, or a shopping spree in an afternoon can cure. Those things, they quickly fade and leave you burning and wanting all the wrong things more. Wanting to leave your home and your babies more.......This Joy can only be found in Him. If you ask, He will show you how to keep your joy in the midst of your "day after day" routine. When you think what you do and who you are doesn't really matter He's there to prove you wrong.........And you will find that you will want more of Him and His unconditional Love that illuminates your soul.

Right now your most important roles are being a devoted, supportive wife to your husband and a loving Mama to your children. There is no higher calling. For you were called to support your man and mold little souls. No one else can fill your shoes.....no one else should!

Now I'm not saying you shouldn't have your girlfriend time. What I am saying is that you shouldn't let it consume you. Always thinking when the next escape can be planned. It will soon rob you of who you were called to be and will surely keep from your priorities.

There is Joy in becoming the daughter God wants you to strive to be. There is true intimacy with the very word of life. The more you search, the more you reach out, the more He gives back and the more you will understand your roles as a wife and a Mama. And the more you will find comfort in knowing who God has called you to be. All the more, you will keep your JOY!

And if you struggle with wanting more "me time", may I make a suggestion?  Get involved in your church. Find women your age who are going through the same struggles. You may even want to find an older woman to mentor you. God wants us to meet together, to spur one another on in goodness and love. Take advantage of women's bible studies and mother, daughter teas. Most of the time they will have child care so you can break away for that hour or two but, still have your babies close by. Ask what is available for the Mama's of the church. You may be pleasantly surprised.

It's important to be with the flock when things seem like they are falling apart around you.....And to know your not the only one with the same feelings or struggles. That there are women who have been there and done that.

I love the group of women that God has chosen to surround me with through out the years. And I'm so very thankful for the ones who have chosen to stay by my side.

 And I remember as a young Mama how thankful I was for the women who took me by the hand, gave me a hug and loved me through those every day mundane,screaming, messy moments. (And there are still moments I struggle at trying to be their Mama.)  But what really helped me the most is when they would quote God's Scripture to me.......Loving Conviction will get me every time!

Winds of Change

I've seen the winds of change blow in and just like a burst of cool air that whips up and takes you by surprise, I am surprised......

I find that even when change is expected, after waiting so long you tend to bury it. Stuff it down. Place it way in the far corners of your mind where it's not thought of. Until that burst of cold air blows in and snaps you off balance.

And this change, it's not about me.....not all the time. It's those around me growing and learning, being stretched and molded. Breaking the shell of their youth and bursting forth into young women and strong men. I stand back with my man, I hold his hand, caress his cheek and have often whispered "I'm so proud of our kids." I love to watch them grow and blossom into faithful, loving servants of Christ.

And does this Mama have the right to boast?

I've watched the change blow in on a blond curly headed little boy, who is now quite the strong, polite, thoughtful gentleman. Always helping. Never saying no. He gets that from his Daddy. And he's way beyond his years. A vintage soul encased in a young man's vessel. still playful, but more in private now. I am in awe of what God is doing in and through him!

I've watched the wind of change blow across my Sunshine's face. From this once spunky, vibrant, determined little two year old, to this beautiful giving young lady. Her heart is in the right place as she serves with a smile. And the Son follows her even on a cloudy day, beams of light are always shining on her face. Still has that deep giggly belly laughter. And there are days where I swear she is wiser than I.........

I have been blown away. Surprised that the wind of change  blew in so fast. And last night they both walk in the door, they are home from church. Him driving his own truck that he worked so hard for.....And her sitting right beside him, trying not to be a distraction while he keeps his eyes on the road. and I smile wide when I hear the sound of all four wheels hit the cracks of pavement in our drive way..

I've trained myself to shut my mind off when he's out there driving......And when the wind blows him in I am thankful......

I am thankful for A man who leads the way in this Christ centered home. I am thankful for the 5 growing blessings we have the  privilege of raising and watching them grow. I am thankful for this life and all who bless me by just being a part of it........

And as I embrace the winds to come, I do so with a grateful heart no matter how harsh the wind, He is the ROCK that I cling to......

If It's Important To You......Love them So much It Hurts!

As a young child and even on into my teenage years I never understood the consequences of my actions. How my choices could permanently alter my future......

My thoughts go back to a stubborn young girl and parents who loved her so much that it hurt. How her actions not only affected herself, but so many around her.......how it affected all that knew her and wanted to protect her. So often she chose to shut down and turn away......

And today God has blessed her with children of her own, 8 to be exact.....3 in heaven and 5 right here. And she is living proof of God's grace......

Everything changes when you become a parent. Suddenly the blinders that were once bound to keep me from seeing have been ripped away. And I see now more than ever how important it is that I/we as parents are involved in every aspect of their lives.....The who, What, Where, When, Why and How. How important rules are in this family. How important that you as the parents are the decision makers, the protectors. How important it is to Love them so much it actually hurts!

If it's important to you, Mama and Daddy, that they go to church, then they have no choice! You drag them to church! If it's important to you that their curfew be 10:00, then enforce that time! If it's important to you that he/she eats their broccoli, peas and carrots, then don't let them eat anything else until they do! Hunger will soon set in and they will find those veggies are actually good! If it's important to you that they talk, then don't give up! Make them come out of their room! Let them know how important he/she, they are to you......Let them know how much you love them........Let them know how much it means to you that they are apart of your family! 

If you want to show them right from wrong, then do your best to be honest and stand up- right in God's eyes.... Children are complete copycats of their parents. They imitate what you do. Be aware of what you are doing!

This once stubborn girl has nothing but words and feelings of admiration and thankfulness to the parents who loved her so much that it hurt! I remember and I Thank you! But most importantly I thank My God for His Sweet Grace!!!!!

God has entrusted these precious souls in your care. If you won't lead them, Who will?

Mama Be Careful

I've held back, turned away and many times, I  have bit my tongue.........

Mama be careful what you say. Profanity and slander shouldn't come out of your mouth and doesn't belong in their hearts. Words cut deep and leave wounds festering. You say you don't mean it, your just venting. Hurtful words spoken whether they have merit or not, it's what they hear. It's what pierces their hearts. It's what they remember.......Always.

Mama be careful who you let in your home. You say it's just noise. It keeps them out of your hair while your trying to catch up. What they watch, what they see sinks in until it desensitizes them.....you. And what was once horrific becomes the norm. Don't ever settle for normality! You were made to be EXTRAORDINARY!

Mama be careful how you lead. Little ones will follow what their Mama is doing. If your a screamer, they are too....If you lie, they do too. If your lazy, they are too. If you complain, they will too. If you are calm, quiet and compassionate about reading God's word, they will be too!

Mama be careful not to gossip. This action destroys lives and relationships and can tare apart healthy families. Please don't teach them how to gossip........

Mama be careful to show their Daddy love. Show respect. Be proud you are His wife. Let him know how thankful, how blessed you are that God gave you a provider..... Always be seen Kissing and showing affection. It shows stability and they need to feel secure. By watching you, one day their search for a mate will always bring their thoughts back to your marriage. They will know what to look for. That's what they will want. That's what you will pray for......And by God's grace that's what they will find.

Mama be careful, your time with them is very short but, you have the power to build, encourage and LOVE them into caring responsible adults. You also have the power to destroy, tare down and leave them wounded for life. You have been given a mission by our Heavenly Father to nurture and build up His children, because One Day, Heaven....Wouldn't you want to do your best and make Him proud?

Mama be careful to let them know your love is always there. That unconditional Mama's love will never leave......

And Mama let them always see you on your knees, hands folded in prayer. Let them see who is directing your path. Let them see whose lead you follow.............

Mama please be careful!

A New Mile Stone

He asked me to take pictures. My heart skips a beat as I grab my camera. If he only knew how much I miss him already. This little man of mine. And today I've been walking around all melancholy. I can't stop thinking about this  blonde, curly headed little boy that use to grace my lap and snuggle under my chin for hours it seems......

And Lord, I'm not ready for this. It seems your closing too many doors all at once. And my days are all twirling about....the past getting mixed up with the present. I often hear other Mamas say "I can't wait for this stage to be over."  I wanna plead with them, Oh please take that back. Your gonna regret ever saying those words.

I've been asked what I think about this new mile stone....My answer? I didn't have one. I can't seem to talk about it with out tearing up. So I'll do what I do best when I can't communicate in person.

I'll let you know that the wonderful two's, they don't last forever.....enjoy them while your in the midst of it all. And that little child your rocking now, will be 6' 2 tomorrow.......forget the dirty house and the mountain of laundry down the hall. They need you now...You need them now. And I have to tell you, I can barely see the keys to type what I feel. I've already had to pause and gain my composure 6 times now........

And Mama take the time, sit down and play on the floor as much as you can. You say you don't know what to do because he/she is just too busy....All the time getting in to things. Grab a moment, your camera, walk out side, twirl around, dance and snap pictures. Play in the dirt. Be a kid, tire them out and then bring them back in. Snuggle on the couch. Put the Classic "Whinne the Pooh" movie in. Eat popcorn. And give them love sniffles....They will remember moments like this....you'll remember moments like this......I remember this.

And I know right now your thinking you need more time to yourself......That's just not true. Right now it's just not about you, it's about them. One day soon you will want more time with them and the tables will turn. It's funny how the tables turn.

Please hear me when I say this time of raising your children goes by way too quickly. Don't get wrapped up in the small insignificant stuff. Let go of yourself and give in to being their Mama. Enjoy them, even when you think they are at their worst......Tomorrow you will look back and you will know it wasn't their worst at all.

This is like a dream I can't wake up from. Time is not on my side.  I smile as I'm snapping moments but, inside a little piece of me is dying......I love seeing him this happy...this proud. He worked hard, saved his money....For a long time. Searched and looked for just the right one. We told him to be patient, the right one would come along.

Tonight before I go to bed I will make my journey out to that brand new mile stone sitting in the drive. I'll open the door, get in and lay my hands in prayer all over that steering wheel. I'll pray that this first truck will serve him well. And God please, always place your hand of protection over my baby boy.............

Just Because

When life is bustling past and it seems  the mountain you need to climb keeps reaching higher and higher, go put your favorite pair of jeans on and take a detour. Just because........

There will always be a house to clean, bills to pay, Mt. Neverest to conquer, but there won't always be this little man.......One day He will be a grown man and I will wonder why I didn't stop and take more detours.They are needed..........Just because.

  Spending time with them is not sitting in the house day after day while they watch me clean or always hear me say "Not right now, I've got too much to do!" What is it that's so important, it can't wait? What's more important than moments filled with laughter and wonder. Moments filled with hugs and kisses. Moments when Mama says "Come on we are going on a detour today!"   Just Because........

And I've been guilty, guilty of the "Not right now!" Guilty of just being content trying to get things done. When in reality I wasn't content at all. I've been guilty of being stuck in that rut, doing the same old thing day after day........

I tend to forget I've been chosen.....Chosen for a very important position that only I can fill. He chose me. I have the exact qualifications......To nurture these little souls. Show them truth. Love them unconditionally. And yes, to teach them how to make moments of laughter, wonder and play. To let them know I love them not with just words but, with my actions.......

I had a friend comment on these pictures And she said "U R SO BLESSED!"  And you know what? I truly am..... If your a Mama, God has specially blessed you!  As Mama's, sometimes I think we get caught up in too much of the "me syndrome" and it tends to blind us from what God intended for us to see. From what He intended us to be.

I love being their Mama.......And I was reminded yesterday just how much........So if your wrapped up in house work, tied up in bills, buried under Mt. Neverest.....Take a detour. Just Because. It will do your heart good! And it will make your children SMILE and LAUGH that deep giggly belly laughter! Sigh..........

Lil' Miss Patience

When things aren't always what they seem. And moments don't go as planned. I've learned to let go and move on. Let go and live. I've learned not to linger too long in a place that will only cause more hurt and frustration. I've learned that I can forgive and forget. I've learned to ask for Forgiveness. They go hand in hand. You can't do one with out the other.

And there she sits, as big as life...My doll baby. She reminds me often how precious this life. And I've said before she helped me find my patience. It was right there all along waiting for me to take notice.  With patience your day runs smoother. With patience your words are kinder. With patience you notice things you wouldn't normally take the time to see.......

What I see is her all wrapped up in sweetness and my heart melts. At times I feel as small as she is. And there are times that I stumble and struggle to communicate and it seems all I can do is just point and make noise. Loud noise. There are still times when I misplace my patience. Today Miss patience slipped out the door. And me, well........I felt helpless with out her.

And little baby boo she comes walking in as I'm tapping words out.....She comes in walking backwards and giggling cause she made it here with out tripping. I can't help but smile.....there's Lil' Miss Patience. She's there in my laughter, she's there when I slow down, breathe deep and remember I'm not in this alone.

I never walk alone.....You see there is one thing I'm convinced of, and that is when God gave me her, he showed me how to use Lil' Miss Patience more often.

Little Baby boo reminds me everyday how quickly the days turn into years. I'm still grabbing moments and holding on in this futile effort to keep her little. Knowing my efforts are all in-vain. You see I've been here before, I've seen how they grow. I've seen life speed out of control. So today I may have misplaced my patience for just a short while.....but she came strolling back in again when I slowed down to hear that sweet giggly laughter!

I'm linked with The imperfect house wife

The Passion Gift

She comes to me with questions she's hoping I have answers for. And as the words leave her lips and fill my ears I am amazed she is only 13. "Mama I don't know why I am scared.......I just am. I'm scared for all of those that will never choose life. I'm scared for the ones that say they have and really never did. And how do you know if they really have?"

" I'm scared for the people who have no clue. The ones who don't know what's to come. I'm scared for their future."   This is my baby girl, the one that came the night the tornado's were all around. The one who is bold and beautiful in every way. The one that came into this world head held high looking all around. She is strong and wise beyond her years.

And this is one of the those moments where I need to dig deep and pull up faith. Oh child, this feeling you have, the one that causes you to fear, is the very fear that God has chosen to instill in you. If you could hear what I'm hearing right now. If you could feel the passion that's coming from your heart. You would know that what you have is a gift. This Passion Gift is the same gift that will help you reach those who are lost......The same ones that you fear for. This GOD GIVEN FEAR will build bridges and heal the broken. It will change lives and melt stone cold hearts. Be strong and grip this fear, hold tight to it. This fear is your faith and your faith is having growing pains. That's why this fear comes and goes.

And you said tonight that when you talk to God that you feel alone and oh how you wish he would just talk back to you. My sweet Sunshine He has been talking to you and you haven't even realized it. What He is placing in your heart right now is His voice and some day when He feels you to be strong enough He will set you off into this world to speak TRUTH to all those who will hear.......Keep growing, Keep Reaching, Keep Digging and hold tight to your FAITH. He is with you every step of the way!

You asked me "Is it normal to feel this way?"..........I guess I would have to say, if normal is having Christ move into your heart and you feel fear as He is moving some things around......then YES! It is SOOO normal!

I love you Sunshine Girl!

The Pink Polka Dot Dress

Her favorite color is pink. She squeezed through the clothes racks, dress clinched tightly in her hand.  This Butterfly girl of mine all excited holding the dress up to her chin, smiling saying "Oh Mama isn't it beautiful?! It even has a pink sweater to match." I ask her how much? I look at the tag.....It's more than I would spend, but maybe it's on sale and if it is we may be able to get it, but don't get your hopes up. "Ok Mama, I wont!"

And as we walk through the store My three girls and I, I catch her eyeing that dress.....her hand caressing the smooth fabric, admiring the pink polka dots. I smile as I realized she had already become attached.

We head for the dressing room to try on our finds....Giddy as girls should be. One asking the other Does this look alright? And do you like how it looks on me? and we laugh when an outfit was just not meant to be. All the while Butterfly girl admiring her find. We get to the register, I ask the cashier if she could check the price. She comes back with a total.....I look down at my baby girl and tell her that it's just too much..... The cashier lays it aside. She looks down at the floor trying to hide her disappointment trying so hard to be a big girl, choking back the tears that were welling up in her hazel eyes.  She was never one to throw a fit when I told her no...So easy going and laid back. I look at the cashier and she too, could feel my butterfly girl's broken heart. I'll take the dress, I said.....I bend down, kiss the tear away from her eye. I'll let you have the dress.

The look on her face is one that I will carry with me all the rest of my days. So surprised that I changed my mind. I would of paid full price for that moment alone!

I tell the cashier I normally would stick to my guns and to be honest I don't ever think I paid that much for a little girls dress before. But somehow this time seemed different. This was one of those moments where you had to throw caution to the wind and just give in.......give into the moment.

Sometimes it's okay to do something out of the ordinary....Something you wouldn't normally do. something to make my Butterfly girl feel special.

On the drive home I hear a small voice from the back seat say "Mama, Thank you so very, very much.....I'm gonna feel like a princess tomorrow when we go to church!" I smile wide with a small tear in my eye. Because to me she was already a princess, even before the pink polka dot dress.......But I'm glad I could make this moment happen......for her, for me.......And you know what? I believe she will remember this moment forever! The moment when her Mama bought her the Pink Polka Dot Dress.

You Are My Sunshine

She is 1200 miles away on a mission trip of her own.... she makes time, finds the time to witness.......I think of her often, all day long and when the sun sets I see her sweet smile......My Beautiful Sunshine girl! I often wonder, it often comes to mind the way she is not afraid...doesn't hesitate......The way she lets her light shine. And it's been said that if you walk in the light you won't have to say anything to get people to notice something is different about you...about her.

I've seen it before, the way she gets when she realizes someone might be lost. The look in her eyes automatically  goes to concern. "Mama I don't think she knows Him." "I think she may be confused about how to get to heaven." I tell her this.....If the chance should ever come again...Just ask her, ask her if she knows the way..... "I will Mama."  And you know, I know she will. She won't let this go until God tells her it's ok to let go.

I've seen her press too hard on some before. When it was hard to keep from getting excited. When she just wanted them to see things her way. And now I'm watching my bold little girl grow in wisdom... I'm watching her become a young woman right before my eyes. The closer she gets to God, the more she knows to wait and listen.......To wait on the Lord for when the time is right.  And oh how I wish I were like her when I was all of 13. If I only had Him in my heart then......All those years I missed......All the time I wasted......

And now I get to walk this life with my Sunshine girl...I get to share these experiences with her...her God moments, the moments I missed. And strangely I'm reliving my wasted years through her. I'm seeing how things could of been......And part of me grieves for what I threw away.....I still grieve. But Forgiven is the path I walk now. He fills the darkest corners of my once tainted heart. And as the sun sets I smile because every time I see the sun .....I see my Sunshine girl!

And when she was little I always sang her to sleep with this song......

You are my Sunshine, my only Sunshine you make me happy when skies are grey. You'll never know dear, how much I love you.....Please don't take my Sunshine away....Sleep tight my Sweet Sunshine!

1.....2.....3......Go!

Sometimes words, they don't speak like pictures do but, then again pictures, they don't speak like words can. And I must tell you seeing their faces does this Mama's heart good! Because I'm learning what it's gonna be like some day when all they'll have time for........ when the only communication will be through Words and Pictures.

And I smile at their goofiness. I miss their wit and their charm that surrounds me day in and day out. And if I could morph into the screen I believe I would, just to hold them both. I get up close to the web cam, smack my lips. They laugh and can't hold it back until it comes bursting forth, this thing that I like to call monkey doodles. It takes control and takes a hold of them. They take the web cam, pass it back and forth until all I see are smacking lips and the giggles fill my ears.

And I guess I didn't realize how much time I was spending with them until I wasn't spending any time with them. We catch up and I ask if they are coming home tomorrow? They both laugh and I smile, but inside I hurt cause I remember a time when they couldn't be two feet away from me, let a lone 1200 miles.  In the same way I rejoice at the fact that my Man and I, we raised good strong, stable kids.

We come to the end of our call, yawning on both sides. And Gentle Giant says "Ma you hang up first." Ok son we will count to 3.....Ready 1.....2.....3.....Go, "no you go." And this goes on for a couple of minutes. He doesn't wanna hang up on his Mama and I don't wanna be the first one to say goodbye. I finally click the mouse. I go to bed... My man got there before me......We lay there, TV lights flashing light and then dark. And I know it goes through both our minds.........Where did the years go? We both agree We've got Good kids! Really Good Kids! And we LOVE...........We will go on loving until it comes full circle, until it's their turn to be where we are......We will go on loving ALWAYS

And I'm not ready....Can we count to 3....Ready 1.....2.....3 Go, No you go......1....2.....3 Go........."I love you Mama!"

She Studies Their Faces

When your afraid, walk in the light.........

She runs out the door asking to borrow my camera.....my Sunshine Girl.  That's just who she is, a beam of radiant light. And she captures this.........

She was never one who needed socializing to brush up her God Given skills...........She's  fearless when it comes to making friends, when it comes to lending a hand.......And she captures this.....

 And I'm amazed every day to see the beauty God is pouring into her. Part of me wishes I had what she has when I was growing up.......Courage, Boldness, Selflessness, The Light Giver in my heart..... And she captures this.......

She walks in the light, always has. My Beautiful Sunshine Girl......Her eye and my camera capture how she looks at life. And there is life all around her and amazingly she stops to take the time to notice......you......me.

She was once in a room full of people. I'd say about 20. Everyone was asked to state their name and how old they were......I was the teacher, I needed their names. And one by one I tried to remember and she knew I was struggling...."Mama let me help you." And do you know she went around the room to each child and told me each and everyone of their names with out hesitation, after only hearing them just once. THAT'S A GIFT, A GOD GIVEN GIFT!

I stood amazed and later I asked her how she did it....."Mama it's easy, I study their face and then I remember their name."
Oh to be where she is already. and this dear girl puts me to shame. She studies their faces. She doesn't just glance at them she looks at them, notices them.

And I learn from my Sunshine Girl, that life is all around you. I just need to stop, take the time and study it.....study them.

And by her light people know that she cares. They know she is love. And all at the ripe ol' age of 13. I can't wait to see what The God/man has in store for her life! For those who are illuminated by her/His light.......

Saying "Yes!"

I bring books so I can read while I watch him at practice. He likes baseball, this shy little man of mine, but he's only shy when we are out. Kinda like his Daddy, a man of few words. But when Daddy does speak out in public some how everyone listens........

On the way to his practice we had talked about little things, like how much does a proffessional base ball player make? And is a Trillion more than a billion? We get to where he thinks he has practice.....we wait. Are you sure the coach said here? "Pretty sure."  we wait some more.......

"Mama maybe you better try the other place I might be wrong." And as we are walking to the right place, he looks up at me and says "Mama I'm sorry if this has caused you any frustration." I didn't even know he knew that word. To be honest on any given day I would of been frustrated, but on this day I wasn't.......

I looked down at my little man knowing I will be looking up at him soon....It's ok Kole it's not a big deal. And he smiles those baby blues wide into my soul and I melt.......

And what good is it to let the little things become frustrations? They only end up hurting hearts and causing a divide between souls. I don't want to be remembered as their frustrated Mama. The Mama who always let the little things bother her. The Mama who couldn't let go of the dirty house frustration, or the I have so much to do frustration.....

I talked to another Mama last night who said she is learning gentlesness, just like me.....And she told me how the other day she had so much to do......"But I always have so much to do and I know that she will not always be little. so when she asked me to play I said yes."

She said yes........I'm still learning that one. Saying yes, I mean. In my heart of hearts I know that saying "yes" more often than "no" will lead to less frustration........A less frustrated Mama.......which leads to a happy, fullfilled, contented child......Why is this one so hard to learn? Slowly learning to say "Yes!" I will play with you now, I will read to you now, I will listen to you now, I will come to you now.........Yes I will LOVE on you RIGHT NOW...........

I Will Always Be Their Mama

We sit in an office that's crisp and clean and at the table two gentlemen sit discussing the "what if's?" I squirm cause my mind can't stop racing with each question being asked. And I know that what's being asked will gradually get harder to answer. These things you hope will never happen this early in life, but it's better to be prepared.

And I'd rather be somewhere else with my man, any where but here discussing our hypothetical death........

And I try and think happy thoughts between hard moments. We just got our baby goslings in. My son and I share this hobby. It's just something him and I share together, it's what we have in common, it's how we relate, how we come together........and the questions one by one keep coming........

And the girls and I, we have this garden. We pulled herbs from the earth the other day and hung them up to dry. It's just something we do, it's what we have in common. It's how we relate, it's how we come together.

I look at my man cause I really don't know the answer to this next question. He is wiser and more grounded than I, and I find I need him, especially at times like this.

And as I'm typing this I'm thinking about little man and how I have to run him to his baseball game tonight. I don't mind it's what I do, it's who I am.....

And then the sound barrier in my head shatters. I try to hold tight and choke back tears. I knew it was coming......."And who will get your children if you both should pass in the near future?" All I could think of was NO ONE!......no one can rock my baby like I can, no one can kiss away the pain and the hurt. No one can make boo boos feel better like this Mama can.......Like their Mama can.

Johnny looks at me as tears well like ponds in my swollen eyes. That's why I'm here! I'm proud to be their Mama. I want to be their Mama.......God please let me be their Mama. I wanna walk with them and hold them. I wanna laugh with them and cherish them for as long as you will let me.

And these hard to grip moments are what life is, here on this side of heaven.........It's another step towards going home, another bridge crossed. These are the moments that prepare your heart and strengthen your soul.

And I pray to my Father in Heaven Because Him and I, that's how we relate......We have His Son in common. It's who we are, It's how we come together. It's how we will be together......All of us, My Man, our kids.......In Heaven there are no "what If's?" In Heaven we will always be together.......I will always be their Mama...................

Little Moments All Wrapped Up In Pink Sponge

It all started when Butterfly girl asked for curls like her doll, Laney. Then I remembered instantly how two little girls use to get curly hair by morning light. Heads wrapped up tight in pink sponge.

Mama would roll each one with patience and love.  Once in a while we would go up on the hill to spend the night, and strangely enough Grandma and her daughters knew how to roll with that same kind of patience.......that same kind of love. Sometimes you just gotta give in.......give into the goofyness of it all. To feel pretty, to be girly. Isn't that how we were made?

 Because inside every young girl, is a young woman slowly blooming to become the beautiful flower God meant for her to be. Big sister curls little sister and from the other room I can hear....."Stop moving!" "Ouch stop pulling!" and then giggly laughter because they realize how silly this looks.

It's strange to me how the simple things like this are what we cherish the most. Little moments all wrapped up in pink sponge.

And I'll always remember these faces. They are the faces of four little girls, two from my past and two from my present.

And as simple and goofy as this may seem to you, I pray that my girls learn to roll with that same kind of patience....that same kind of love.

Oh that they will have many more wonderful moments all wrapped up in pink sponge.