I Am Broken Part Two

She is sweeping, the broom hits the lamp and it breaks. I look and I find myself smiling at the shattered glass. I catch her by surprise with my wide smile.

Because it's been broken before by her. When she was just little. The first time I lost my temper and yelled.  I can still see her baby blues looking at me and asking for forgiveness. I wasn't willing to give.....to forgive right away. I should of embraced her and told her that it was ok, it's just a lamp, but I didn't. She was broken and I didn't forgive.

Well not when I should of. When I didn't forgive her right away, I was actually telling her that the lamp was more important to me. Oh I would of never said that and I surely did not believe that. But that's what she heard when she didn't hear the words "I forgive you." My prize possesion is not the lamp, my prize possesion is the one who broke the lamp. Can you imagine being unforgiven? How broken you would feel? How shattered you would be?

This lamp has been glued before. It's been put back together and the scars are still there. I got the glue out for the second time.

Forgiveness is like the glue to any relationship. "Mama why are you gluing that old lamp again?" "Why don't you just throw it away?"


 And I replied with a smile, "Because I want to see how many times I am able to forgive, I mean glue this old lamp back together in my life time." The biggest smile came across her face, because she knew she had been forgiven.


"Lord, when my fellow believer sins against me, how many times must I forgive him? Should I forgive him as many as seven times?"

Jesus answered," I tell you, you must forgive him more than seven times. You must forgive him even if he wronged you seventy times seven. Matthew 18: 21-22


I am so thankful that when I am truly broken, He doesn't throw me away........He  is the glue to put me back together again. The scars will be there as a reminder, but my light will shine even brighter than before because I am His prize possesion and I have been forgiven.

That Daddy Love

There is a place up home where the Northern Pine grows tall. There are days when I dream of walking down that old dirt road after a summer rain had cooled the air. Oh how sweet a fragrance the rain and Northern Pine make together. And I get homesick........

The Southern Pine is what I see now, pretty.......but not the same. And I remember the summer evening drives, Daddy behind the wheel. Him pointing at a Mama deer and her fawn. My sister and I with our faces to the wind taking in the sweet smells after the rain. Funny, but I remember his hands on the wheel as he was driving. Calloused and ruff from years of hard work, and yet soft enough to hold.

This man I cherish. Memories abound and when they come to mind I get homesick......His hands still grace a steering wheel. That's how he makes a living. Those hands lead him to me every once in a while. Not often enough, but just enough to keep the home sickness at bay.

This man that used to tie my shoes, dry my tears, and pick me up when ever I fell, is a man that I admire, adore and am so very thankful for. Sacrificing his days to give me a good home. Never once did I hear him complain.......And now that I am all grown and have a family of my own. I know how he feels, that deep burning inside, like a fire that never goes out. That feeling of sacrifice, to give what you have so they can have. It's a love like I've never known and I didn't understand until I..........until I was tying shoes and drying tears. My words seem so small as I tap them out. How can I thank him enough? How could I ever begin to let him know how much he means to me. But most of all, to let him know that I understand, I know how he feels about me. That parent love, is a love like no other. That Daddy love I'll cherish forever! Thank you Daddy, thank you for loving me with that unselfish love. You are Amazing and I love you!

46. Daddy Love
47. Rain and Northern Pine
48. Long drives down old dirt roads
49. Face in the wind
50. Daddy's calloused hands

My Mama's Crinolines

They are the best of friends, My daughter and Miss Emily. I love to watch them together, their crazy laughter and never ending energy. 11 and 12, they have known eachother since they were 2 and 3.


We don't live so close together, but Miss Emily's Mama and I try to get them together as much as possible. They have a sweet love for eachother, an unconditional love. They are not afraid to share feelings, to share when one has been hurt by the other. That's what makes their friendship so strong. It's the pure honesty of it all.



When I watch these two childhood friends, memories of two little girls from long ago come to mind. She use to live next door to me. We grew up together, and when we were little we did everything together. Dancing down the street with my Mama's square dance crenolines. Struck with deep giggles and silly laughter. Until Mama got home.

Our lives were very much different. Life for her wasn't easy. Life for me, well..... was much easier, but at the same time I needed her as much as she needed me.  My shell was soft and my feelings got hurt easily. Her shell was strong from years of having to be. She was always there for me and I for her. Her making me strong and me showing her the soft side of life.


And the miles are long. We don't see eachother very much any more, but we keep in touch always. God puts people in your path for a reason.......To make us stronger, or softer. For love and leaning on. For giggly laughter and crying shoulders......I found out a while ago that her and I became sisters, after all these years of playing the role. We are sisters in Him, in Christ. And I couldn't be happier. Can't you just see us dancing down the streets of gold in my Mama's crenolines.


43. Child hood friends
44. Deep Giggly laughter
45. Fluffy Square dance Crenolines

Remember Me with Smiles, Hugs and Sweet Kind Words

I watch her walk away from me.......It sure doesn't seem possible that she's grown. My sweet Summer Skye, where has the time gone?

As I hold baby sister I  hear the words...."Mama did you ever hold me that way?" "Mama did you ever talk to me that way?" And "Mama did you ever smile at me that way?" Her questions lead me to question.....When did I stop holding her, talking to her and smiling at her that causes her to not remember?

I swallow hard, tears well up in my eyes as I realize she needs more. More of my smiles, hugs and sweet kind words. She is walking away at a speed that I can't control. I've been told about how time flies and the before you blink moments......I'm living them now.


Before long she will be where I am....... I want her to remember me, remember that as I was holding her I was smiling and saying sweet, kind words. I want her to remember how much Mama adores her and no matter how old she gets she is never to old for holding, receiving big wide smiles and hearing sweet kind words from her Mama.


37. My Sweet Summer Skye
38. Smiles and Laughter
39. Summer nights
40. Sun Shine
41. Evening Walks
42. Golden sunlight streaming through her hair

The Teacher

When I see this photograph I get a glimpse of my heritage, another piece to a thousand piece puzzle. One day I would like to be able to put this puzzle together. Both of them were teachers, both of them are my Grandmothers. Two generations caught in a photograph.


I often wonder if that's where I get my desire to teach my children.........My desire and love for writing my thoughts, for tapping my thoughts on these keys.


Do traits like that really get passed down? Their blood does run through my viens, I am a part of them. My Grandpa use to say that I am a lot like my Grandma used to be, before she became ill. I never knew her then.....I wish I did. I'd like to go back in time to visit her. Before her mind was sentenced to life in prison.



Even though she was no longer teaching her students..... She was still teaching in her frail years. Before her death she taught her family patience, forgiveness, acceptance, and understanding. Through all the years of hurt and never revealing her feelings, never crying a tear, we continued to love her, hug her and kiss her. On her last days we heard, "I love you." and we saw real tears. That was something she was unable to do since her mind was locked away. She was released from her life sentence on August 8th, 1998. Even though she was not able to give her love in return, we were still able to love her.

Isn't that how Jesus loves....He still loves you even though you choose not to love Him in return.  Wanting you to make that decision to turn to him. He wants to set you free from your life sentence. For love is not love when you are forced to love. Love is Love when you choose to Love.

I Am Broken

I'm here in the quietness of it all, wondering if I'll ever get it right? If I'll ever be what He wants me to be.........


I look back on my life to a time before Him. Have I really come this far? And yet I have so much more to go, so much more to learn. For if you believe you have arrived, it is then that you have just begun.



As I toss the day about inside my head, He gently and slowly shows me what I still need to work on. I tell Him what He already knows and yet when I speak it, and I hear the words, the words that reveal where I have failed through out the day, They become real and alive. Sin seems to creep into our lives, sometimes unannounced and many times we are very aware. I find I am a repeat offender in many areas of my life.



How many times can you fail and still be forgiven?

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, when my fellow believer sins against me, how many times must I forgive him? Should I forgive him as many as seven times?"

Jesus answered," I tell you, you must forgive him more than seven times. You must forgive him even if he wronged you seventy times seven. Matthew 18: 21-22

It's unlikely that we will keep track of the 490 times someone has sinned against us. But isn't Jesus is saying you should always forgive, just as He always forgives us?

I believe you need to be truly broken from the wrong you have done and  realize that you are a work in progress, that this life takes practice.   But an apology said for a sin and then done again out of pleasure is not a free pass. Repenting a sin and knowing your going to do it again is not true repentance and does not clear you of the wrong. It multiplies the wrong, and you are not forgiven.


The greatest need for any sinner is to have his sins blotted out, but a man will never have the pardon of sin while he is in love with his sin. There must be a hatred of sin, a loathing of it, a turning from it. Repentance is a revolution in dealing with our attitude and view towards sin and righteousness. Repentance is not something one does with his hands, but it is an inward attitude of the soul. Sin must become, in the eyes of the sinner, exceedingly sinful.
By Charles Spurgeon

So when this day comes to a close,I'll go to the Father, asking for forgiveness.....For I am broken by my sin. Truly Broken.

51. Merciful Savior
52. True Repentance
53. Forgiven

A Soul Drenched Rain Washing

On a day like today I feel I need to be washed in rain. I would of went out, but the thunder kept me from getting my soul drenched. Have you ever just stood in the rain? Just to stand there and let it soak in and run down your face? It hides the tears if you have any.

On a day like today when nothing goes right and you seem to lose control of your tongue and your mind.....A dance in the rain cleans the soul. A soul drenched rain washing. It's been such a long, long time since I've played in the rain.

Water sustains life......A symbolism for a new life. And you shall rise up out of the water and be born again. Baptism is a one time thing, but a soul drenched rain washing should be often... I'm long over do.

This is our rainy season. Maybe tomorrow I can dance, play and cry invisable rain soaked tears. Tears of Thankful praise that I am forgiven much.  Understanding that I'm so not deserving of this Soul drenched rain washing. But that's why He is Grace and Mercy....


He did what no one else could do, what no one else would do. So stop working towards heaven. The work has already been done. He paid the price....Come dance in the rain with me.....Let Him know you need Him. You can't do this life with out Him. You can't go home with out Him.........

All Creatures Great and Small

These little creatures are in abundance out side our home. As a matter of fact, you can't go out side without seeing one or two. And yet, they usually go un-noticed for what they do.


They don't bother me, I actually like having them around, they eat the bugs. And living in Florida there are many, many bugs. We need all the help we can get. My kids have captured countless Lizzys. That's what they call them.

Ya know, they are so small, but yet they play a huge roll in life. With out these little bug catchers life would be unbareable out side. God seems to be in the tiniest of details.

Lots of times it's not all about the big picture. It's the small details behind the scenes that really pulls everything together. It's like that in our lives....It's the small quiet people that go un-noticed. The ones that do great things with out you knowing. And they usually like it that way, to go un-noticed I mean. So when you get the chance look around you, notice the small details and remember that without these small quiet creatures, animal and human alike.....life would be.......well unbareable. And if you know one or two of these small quiet people who do great things. Give them Great Thanks!  But if you don't, Thank God that they are there, going un-noticed by you, and not by Him.

All creatures Great and Small, God Loves them all!

What will your Legacy be?

On any normal given day I would of cringed at the sight of this. Frustration would of hit my face hard. But now after being seasoned in Mama academy. I learned that the years go by way too fast, and knowing I don't have them for too long.....

I must let it slide, like the water off a duck's back, just let it wash away. Is it really the clean and tidy house I desire, or is it the smiles and laughter I want them to remember?

I still struggle with letting it go. I like everything in it's place and there's a place for everything. But there is a season in life, when your a Mama, that just disappears in the blink of an eye. And I only get this one chance to make it the best season of their little lives. For one day their time will come.The time when they become Mamas and Daddys.........And I want them to remember......

That this Mama wasn't all about a clean and tidy house all the time.....that she remebered to stop and play once in a while, that she enjoyed life. That they are more important than the things in her life. For the things will pass away, but legacies live on and on and on. What will your legacy be?

33. Club house made of blankets
34. Smiles
35. a childs laughter
36. My Mama's Legacy passed on to me passed on to them and passed on to the Blessings to come.

The Box, Vessel

Why is it that instead of the gift, instead of what was wrapped up inside.........It's the box that intrigues them more?

 They played with this box for hours. Trying it out in each room of the house. When they were really little that's all they cared about was the box and not the gift inside. But isn't the box just as important? It holds the precious gift.

Just as the body is the box, the vessel for the soul.  The precious gift of life. We were told to take good care of our vessels because it cradles the soul until the vessel becomes weary and old and can no longer hold the precious gift.  One day our soul will take flight. It won't need the box, vessel. It's the decisions we make while the soul is still in the vessel that counts.

We need to take care of our box, vessel. We are here to reach other gift holders and to let them know of the gift inside, that the soul has a maker. A gift giver. The gift of eternal life is wrapped up in our heavenly Father's arms. And some day I'm going home to unwrap my gift and crawl up in His lap and be wrapped up in His Amazing Love.