Something About This Place

I was never made for the bright lights of the city. Never wanted to be in large, loud crowds and places. And when ever I find myself there I feel anxious. There is something special about being where trees never see pavement. So peaceful to hear the birds sing their lonesome song. To see the fence line in the morning with slow milking bovines chewing cud on the other side is devine.....

Something about sinking your hands in the earth makes you feel at home, makes you remember where you came from. Something about the setting sun makes you feel the rythym of the internal time clock.

There is something about being able to provide and sustain on this God given land. Something about farm life that makes me feel I'm right where I need to be.

Something about being close to God's creatures as you learn their purpose  and yes even their charm.

I can't imagine not being able to hear, see, touch this quiet piece of land. Can't imagine not feeling the grass between my toes or that earthy smell of flowers and fresh cut hay. Can't imagine not having that feeling of wanting to spread my arms like wings in this wide open space........

Something about the many faces of the sun as it rises and falls to the rythym of the day. The mysterious way it hangs so perfectly. How it calls the moon to take it's spot and rightfully so.

And as I take in this beauty day in and day out.......Dusk til Dawn as I hear the morning choir of birds chirping to the evening song of crickets and a lone barn owl bringing in the night......I am truly and deeply thankful and humbly blessed to be given these gifts every day!

I take a deep breath and breathe in LIFE..........

How Battles Are Won

Wake up, stumble to the bathroom. In the dark I get dressed and with a dim light I brush my teeth. He's still sleeping. So many times it has always been him to wake before me. So many times he's left me sleeping. I quietly put on my boots and walk out the door.  It's that grey space before the light hits the dawn, makes you feel like your the only one.

And this world she keeps spinning and we all just keep doing.......Doing what needs to be done, doing right and trying so hard to keep out the wrong....But this world keeps spitting out the mud as we watch it splatter. Messes up all our plans and breaks all our hearts. Knocks the wind right out of us. It's hard to catch your breath when your drowning in the depths of someone else's choices.....someone else's greed......someone else's plans. And we are living in the days where right is wrong and wrong is right. I try holding on to only lose my grip of all that I can't grasp, all that I can't understand.

When a monument of the Ten commandments about living life right is voted to be tore down because apparently living a good life is offensive then I have to ask why? When baby parts are being sold for the almighty dollar, when human life just don't seem to matter, then my heart just can't bare the crushing weight of insanity, insensativity.......In this world we have lost compassion and traded it for hatred and greed and self fullfillment....In this crazy world we have lost our minds. Lost our courage our rights, our freedom all because of ignorance and silence.

I come back from the barn....some days I wish it could always be as peaceful and sweet as just doing my morning chores. That all will be right with this ever spinning ball placed so eloquently in space. Not too close to the sun and not too far away......But just right.....And as she spins she's kissed by the warmth of rays.

But we are fighting a battle and battles can't be fought with warm fuzzy mornings and quiet sips of coffee. Battles are fought with words of courage. Battles are fought standing our ground and speaking out. Battles are won with prayer and faith. Battles are won with kindness and love, respect and wisdom. We are called to live this life in such a way that the rays of the Son are kissing those around us.

And we are to remember this is not our home. This is not where it ends. So many need to know the Hope we keep inside. So many need to have the peace that only the Author of the Ten Commandments can bring. Because He rights every wrong. Pulls Good from the doom. Has a plan in motion. We are the generation that is watching the Bible play out in real live time. He said this was going to happen.

Take heart, He has overcome this spinning, mud flinging world. Buckle up we are going for a ride! Be Brave, Be Strong, Be Courageous....Be Love....Be Hope....Be Peace.....Be in Prayer.  BE HIS

When We Choose To Go Slow

In the slow of the day there is life ....are you willing to live it in a way that they will remember it was worth living.

I spend every day with them, but I often have to ask myself, Am I spending time with them? You can be in the same room in the same space and yet still be so far away.

And I hear you when you say "I'm just so tired."  Your tired of being the referee, tired of being the maid, tired of waiting on instead of being waited on. Oh my beloved, I get in thoose places that seem to want to hold you down and keep you captive.....But you have the key....You've always had the key.  He says "Come find rest in me."  Get filled up and then go spend some quality time with them....Go for a walk, bake some cookies, draw a picture....Involve them in your day. If they are little, chances are they are willing to please you.....Let them please you, even if it takes sorting those socks a whole lot longer...You will remember the sound of their sweet, sweet voice as they try to carry on a worthy conversation.....It's worth remembering.

I believe your gonna have those crazy days when nothing goes right......But always remember....I have to always remember,  I don't have to stay there in that moment. I have the key to unlock the door.......I have the freedom to choose how I behave. And they are watching my every move.

I can freely move beyond that moment and make a new one.......That's Powerful. When you have the option, Choose to go slow.........It Matters!

She Stops Me In My Busy Tracks..

Flower girl stops me in my busy tracks to show me life. Slow moving life.

She reminds me to slow down often. Stops me in my busy tracks. Tells me I'm going too fast. So much we miss when we speed through life. So many little moments worth slowing down for. So many times I've missed the moment to catch a snail, a smile, a tear, a hug, a thought, a touch. All because of my need to get things done. I'm running around like I have a time clock tick, tick, ticking in my head.......And I do, but I'm afraid I all too often listen to the wrong clock. And her time for being small is tick, tick, ticking away......

It's funny to me how many things they will notice in a walk or a moment when they are willing to take the time. Funny how us Mamas could be doing the very same things if we just choose to slow down those busy tracks once in a while.

This sweet girl usually brings me beautiful flowers, but on that particular day she brought me so much more. She brought me to my knees so that I could get closer to what she was seeing, closer to what she thought was worth slowing down for......She brought me closer to her moments.

Every moment is valuable. Every moment can be teachable. Every moment should be considered before speeding through, leaving nothing but our busy tracks.

Won't You Rejoin Me?

Have you ever had that moment when God told you to be silent?  And you knew in your heart of hearts your words had lost their meaning because you had lost your perspective......Because literally, your well had run dry....

That has been me.....I've always loved to write. Love even more to put pen to paper than to tap these letters on this keyboard. But God has with out a doubt told me "To be still and know that He is God" for quite a while. And don't think I haven't tried many, many times to sit here and tap out my soul, because I have, but nothing would come......

You see He teaches me life's lessons when I'm most willing to be quiet and listen. I can't speak of things not lived and learned. I can't give you a word of comfort if I'm not willing to be comforted. And shame on me if I've ever acted in such an arrogant way that I sounded as if I knew best or I had more wisdom than was given! I believe we all want to be loved and accepted, but until we learn to be honest about who we really need love and acceptance from then we will always feel empty and our well  dry........

Sometimes.....Most times, wisdom comes in being silent.....being still.....knowing when to speak and when to stop speaking. Knowing when to type and when to stop typing.

I've missed being here so much. I'm not sure what He has instore but I know I'm not sharing unless it's what He wants me to share.

I must be honest, with all of this time off, I've had so many words swirling around inside my head. They all seemed liked a jumbled up mess, but lately they've been taking on structure and form. coming into sentences and complete thoughts. And I couldn't be more thrilled! If you love to write then you know what I mean.....Oh I'm just an amateur....I'm more grammatically incorrect than I am correct.....So please bare with my imperfections. I'm hoping these words typed out will have meaning, order and subtance. Something you and I can nibble on from time to time. I've told you before I type a lot of my words out of my own feelings of conviction. I don't poke fingers towards others and then write about it. I share my heart.......Words can either be healing or hurtful...I choose healing. Won't you rejoin me on my journey with Our one True King? I'm so happy to be back!

Growing Old Gracefully

Text comes through from an early morning friend.......Tells me she may be going crazy...This being a wife and Mama thing can bring you to a point where you forget who you are. When you question why your here.....And the Blessings flow like a raging river but you feel like your drowning all at the same time. You want to be thankful....You know you should be thankful.....

Sometimes we get so afraid of changing because we build our lives around those we love most. And we often question if we can handle the seasons as time grows us old. But there is always Grace for every change.....for every season.

I tell her she is not alone. I some how get myself in those places that feel so empty when my life is so full. And somehow time makes you bolder. Christ can make you stronger in all the years that come and go. Lessons learned, trials go deep and dig hard to the point where you feel your breaking, but the broken are meant for healing and healing reveals JOY........

I can't say I have all the answers. I don't know the right words most of the time. But Beloved I know your not crazy. Your the daughter of the one True King........And I believe those fears and emptiness swirling inside your head are just growing pains.....Just signs of you moving towards another season.

I never understood that ole' saying, "Growing old gracefully" until now......I believe it means you need all the GRACE to grow old because it surely is not easy when your a Mama! And if our loved ones could just understand the many identities and roles we play. So many we try to keep up with. So many we try to be good at...... So many, that we forget who we are. And failure always seems to be looming around the corner. If we could only get one identity right, it would be our identity in Christ. When we get that down everything else will fall in place.......

Let this verse run through your soul and give you peace My sweet Mama friend.....

• Colossians 3:1-4 I am hidden with Christ in God.
  Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.

"Do Not Be Afraid"

At times I feel so guilty living in a place where persecution is usually nothing more than hateful words. But I am not naive, I know persecution is growing here.

And then all you read in the headlines are the deaths of those that bear the name of Christ and had it etched deep with in their hearts........So deep..... they walked the beach to their earthly death. And I never knew how truly DARK and pain chillingly COLD evil could get and it just seems to be getting ever so much darker.

It makes me wonder how strong is the name of Christ etched upon my heart? Would I bear the name all the way to an untimely death? Because To live is Christ, To die is gain. Would I bear the cross for all to see? When asked if I am a Christ bearer, would I say yes in the face of death?

And I plead to God to just please make this stop. Send your angels. Save our brothers and sisters. Save your children!

But my plan is not His plan.......And all these things must take it's place in time to fulfill that which was redeemed 2000 years ago. Never did He say we would not have broken hearts....We would never feel pain.....Never did He say trials will not come......

What He did Say Is  ‘Hear, O Israel, you are approaching the battle against your enemies today. Do not be fainthearted. Do not be afraid, or panic, or tremble before them, Deuteronomy 20:3 

 Stay with me; do not be afraid, for he who seeks my life seeks your life, for you are safe with me.” 1 Samuel 22:23

Do not be afraid of sudden fear Nor of the onslaught of the wicked when it comes; Proverbs 3:25

Because To live is Christ, To die is gain. Philippians 1:21 

When David in Psalms asked: "What can mere man do to me?" He was saying mortal death is nothing compared to eternal life with out God!

And my heart grieves for those that lost their mortal lives, but my heart rejoices because  they gave their eternal lives to Christ.

WE are only here for a little while.....

WE are in eternity FOREVER......

Where will you spend your ETERNITY?

I. Am. A. Christ. Bearer!

Lessons Learned

 If I could bring it all into perspective. Tell you what I've been learning.......Would it resonate with you? I know that my sin soaked soul all too often had to learn the hard way. I know that trials come and lessons are learned. I know that souls are molded when we experience life. I know that trials reveal the need for a Savior.

If I told you that most times it's better to be silent.....to wait and to observe before you explode into words. Would you listen?

If I told you that patience is definitely worth waiting for, Could you wait for it?  Could you wait for God to answer before you jumped on a decision? And yet what you experience in the waiting is the longing for God to do miracles.....And isn't that what God would love for us to do?  To long for Him. To want Him, To need Him....

If letting go were easy would we do it more often? Would we grow with out the growing pains?

Took my oldest son to the store to buy household things.....Needful things for first timers being out on their own. So surreal watching the 19 years flash before my eyes. Little boy in my arms melting my heart turned instantly into grown man still melting this Mama's heart. Little by little he's teaching me how to let go. How to hurry up and wait on all these years of milestones.

I believe the best way to learn the hard lessons of life is to learn them together. To live this life with each other, with people....Because can't we learn from each other?.......

Love, patience, Kindness, Communication, Letting Go, Giving, Receiving, Honesty, Loyalty, Forgiveness...

How do we learn all of that by being alone?  By excluding others and putting up walls?  How do we learn to keep close relationships with out having trials? Because they are gonna come. Like it or not this sin soaked world is gonna break some hearts intentionally and unintentionally. It's up to us on how we handle the brokenness.......

 I know why God gave me my man. Because He knew that I needed to learn to wait for patience. I needed to learn to keep quiet and listen and observe. I needed a lesson in humility and service. I needed a man that would keep me grounded when this life of mine takes flight.

I've seen my Sunshine girl go through a  trial that made her and her Best friend so much closer than they ever were before! Sometimes trials are necessary to grow.

Did you ever think about the people that come and go in your life. Did you ever look back at the lessons you were learning because of them. And did you know it's okay if they didn't stay....Sometimes they must go so that they can learn from someone else. Oh but the times that they end up staying through the thick and the thin of it? What a huge blessing to have those kind of people in your life! Because life is so much better when we come through hard times together, when we continue to learn together!

Now go live your life today and thank God for those special people that have taught you lessons and from the ones that you are continuing to learn from!

Use Your Words, Post Your Pictures, Post What is GOOD!

 It's hard to know at times whether to speak or keep silent. It's been quiet here. Not because I don't have anything to say, but rather sometimes words can be too much....Too much of a hindrance. A stumbling block. Deafening to the ears as they slow the healing.

Many times I stay silent for fear my words may sound too proud....too boastful. Dare I say that I'm fearful of sounding too perfect or too fake.

People can take words and miss use them. People can hear words all wrong and misconstrue them. People can take your words and turn your world upside down.

We are living in a world that seems to have lost all rights to any sort of gravity or grounding. And as this earth is spinning out of control where wrong is right and right is wrong I sit here in silence, watching the heartbreak and confusion.

I see post after post of destruction, violence, intolerance, hate, and division.  Post after post of political bashing and finger pointing. We all have opinions on how to get back on track. We all have words to say. We are all passionate......... And most of the time we are all just preaching to the choir....

Yesterday my man and I celebrated 20 years of marriage and I love him more today than I ever thought I could! I'm so very proud to carry his last name.  His heart is etched in mine and I can't imagine not ever meeting this God given man who promised to hold my hand through this life. I've never met any one like him. He keeps me grounded when this life of mine takes flight and God knew I needed him.  He knew I needed a strong man to tame  my crazy thinking and my wild words.

And I share this with you because although I'm always fearful of sounding too proud or too good I believe we need more good! And I must tell you I'm proud of the 20 years and the 1/2 dozen kids we have under our belts.

Can I tell you that I enjoy seeing post after post about love gone right and kids all peanut butter faced.  Can I also tell you that if we all shared all that is good in our lives it would out shine the bad in this world. The darkness has to flee when the light shines in the room.

Now please hear my words right......I'm not telling you to be perfectly fake on FB. What I'm saying is, it's ok to share what makes you proud. It's ok to share what is good. Don't be fearful like I have been in the past because someone might misconstrue your words or take your pictures as being too boastful.

In a world where marriage is not sacred anymore I am proud to be one of the few that have made it to the 20 year mark and not only have we made it in numbers we are still in love....We are still making love.....Yep I said it right here on the internet. We are a married couple doing married couple things! And I am proud!

So it goes with the season.......I am Truly Thankful for the blessing of this graced filled life. And although I'm far from being perfect I know what is GOOD.  I know that we need to see more GOOD, because GOOD is out there and it needs to be shared. Too much of the bad is starting to overwhelm my soul but I haven't lost my JOY or my HOPE..........

And so I challenge you all, my Beloved.....I challenge you to post all that is good.....Messy faced kids, beautifully messed up kitchens, scrumptious pies, family hugging, crayon marked walls, Parents kissing........Share the light! Be Thankful! Use your words and count your Blessings.

And by the way I know how to change the world and it's not my opinion, it's His commandment.....


My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. John 15:12

I Needed to Put Some Things Behind Me

Deep down inside I'm a recovering perfectionist....Wanting everything just so......Everything to go my way. As a matter a fact my most favorite perfectionist thing to do is PLAN. I enjoy it. Love looking at what is suppose to come next.

But in all reality This sin soaked Mama fails daily. And as much as she tries to plan and get things just so, the more she realizes Perfection is not ever attainable with out the Perfecter. And  I will never be perfect,  but I truly know the One who is.

A clean house was easy to obtain with children number 1 & 2.......Even when 3 & 4 came I still held it together......For the most part.

But then God allowed us to have 5 & 6......And I'm beginning to understand one of the many reasons why.

Because He knew this Mama needed to tuck some things behind her and one of them was her need to be Perfect. Oh I still get extremely frustrated but, I'm too tired at the end of the day to worry about my floor.

I have taken on the label Free Spirit and some days I truly embrace it. Other days I see it as complete and utter failure.

Although I do, most times, take great comfort in just letting it ride I know that there is  a need to get things done, to plan and prepare.

I need to make this clear I'm not a perfectionist in the way you might be. I'm not all about numbers and schedules......My perfection problem was in having a clean and perfect home with perfectly dressed children.....If I could get some pics of my first two children and some pics of our first home and then some pics now, you would see the contrast in both sets of pictures.

Am I okay with the contrast? Yes and no. Like I said I'm recovering........

I'm still learning what comes first. And although My man would like a more consistent job at getting the laundry done, he knows I'm trying.......

I'm learning that life is wrapped in the small gestures......the kisses, the hugs, a warm, home cooked meal, Pouring his glass of tea, Actually listening to the child who is screaming to be heard.....Reading stories and giving heart felt gifts, sharing a smile, a kind word.......Those are the things you and I will want to be remembered for.

If someone were to speak at my funeral the last thing I would want to be remembered for is my perfection problem or that my floor was always clean. Instead I would love to have them say she was always kind, listened when I needed to be heard, hugged often and loved much. Her door was always open even when there were days she thought she couldn't do it, she soon warmed up and fed those around her table. Because Christ loved her first with all of her quirky imperfections. All of her broken pieces, He loved her for who she was and changed her into who she was meant to be.

And that my friends is the reason why I put some of those unimportant feelings of inadequacy away....Is there room to improve?  Absolutely! I'm still trying to get some order to my chaos and some days are really good! Other days need a whole lot of GRACE!

A wise friend once told me in all my rushing around "I didn't come to see your house, I came to see my friend."

Love Hard Enough to Bring Change

It's often I dream about walking through a place like this. I dream of the leaves rustling beneath my feet and the birds singing their last song of fall. I can just feel the cold crisp air wakening my senses to someone off in the distance burning leaves in an old burn barrel. It's never overwhelming, just a slight hint of October smoke in the air.

And high up above I hear the last call of the Canadian goose as they make their flight pattern across the Autumn sky. I wonder if it's selfish of me to want to be alone in this majestic place where Autumn's jewels change with the first twinge of the bitter frost.

Autumn brings change and change brings growth after all that's withered falls away. I miss Autumn's jewels........

I miss the change they brought......

And even though I don't see a dramatic change here I still know that God is at work taking all that's old and laying it down to be transformed into something new that I have never seen before. And sometimes this change, it hurts til I can't hardly stand it. But that's the price of love.....In order to love and love well we have to dig deep and go big or we might as well go home. Because through it all that's where the growing starts that's where the learning begins and when we are stretched beyond our limit He always brings reprieve from what has kept us imprisoned.

And it's at just the right time and just the right place. His ways are perfect. Only He can bring about change in a way that truly changes from with in.

To love so much that it hurts.......To love so much you think your heart will explode right out of your chest. Tell me would you love this much? Are you Loving this much?

Love Big or Go Home because nothing ever gets accomplished when your love doesn't change those around you.....When someone's LOVE doesn't change you........

Love hard enough to bring change!

So What Do You Do When You Want To Be Renewed?

It's been a little over 8 years and it was just 8 girls.......All from different walks of life. We came together because just one had asked us to share in the celebration of her half century. And so it goes with each and every Birthday, we celebrate each other every year, through out the year.

But I have to tell you this time seemed different.....Seemed so much deeper.

So what do you do when you want to be renewed, when you want to see revival? In all reality I'm not really sure any of us realized how badly we all needed this. How badly we all wanted more from each other than just the passing of some birthday gifts.

When you have a Whole weekend together there is bound to be some sharing. Bound to be some tears. Bound to be tears through laughter. Because that's what girlfriends do. 

WE talked about loyalty and trust. We talked about kids growing up and giving us grand babies.  We talked about the growing pains between parent and child......and that included elderly parents too. We talked about marriage and divorce. And as we walked through our lives one by one I saw a pattern, even though every walk was different they were all still oddly familiar. 

We opened His word and sat around the table. We drank every drop that was offered and loved each other with our words of healing and encouragement. Shared some of the deepest places of our hearts and felt the safety and loyalty of friendship. Something we knew we all had but, we never really used it like this before. That's revival of the heart my friend.

Renewal of the soul comes when you release all that is weighing you down. It's amazing how much lighter the burden, when we give it up to Him who is faithful. Renewal also comes through laughter. The kind of laughter that brings the tears and can even make you tinkle when you least expect it. That is true laughter. That is Renewal of the soul my friend. Good natural healing medicine.

We all have struggles and it really doesn't matter what kind of struggle you have. There is no need to compare. What truly matters is that we see no one goes through their struggle alone. 

And it's easy to get wrapped up in your own little world. So easy to stay focused on your inner circle.....It takes effort to look out side that circle. It takes effort to love with a Christ like love. And when we learn to love completely the blessing is found in a heart overflowing.

I truly love these girls! To be honest and real......I love them so much more because of this weekend's revival-renewal.....

At the end of our stay we had painted the picture in our minds out loud. We shared how much we have seen changes in all of us, from kids growing up, some getting married and having grand babies. We have even seen death together. And we admitted that change was still coming for all of us, it's inevitable. So a silent pact was made in each of our minds that we needed to stay together on this big green earth until God calls us home one by one......

I love you all and I thank my God upon every Remembrance of you.......

What Do You KNOW?

It's amazing how pieces of the past can stand the test of time. Through the cold and blowing wind. Through the rain and heavy snow. I truly wonder what keeps it there?

 If structures, walls and fences could talk....If they could share what they've seen and heard over the years.

I'm pulled in by the past. It doesn't take much...An old pew, a time warn book, a fence made 100 years ago. Makes me ask questions inside my head. Makes me want to go back in time and watch History in real time.

In History class we talked about Harriet Tubman "The Moses" of her people......Born into slavery. Worked, whipped and beaten by  the age of 6. Sold and resold again.....For most, it was the only way to survive, to stay enslaved.  Were they actually living or just existing?

I told my kids that the slave owners forbid any of their slaves to learn to read and write. I asked them why they thought the slave masters would keep the slaves from learning and one little boy spoke up and said, "Because then they would KNOW something."

All too often we are living as though we are just existing. It's been a slow movement into slavery and we don't even KNOW that we are headed towards a repeat failure.

On the verge of losing her Sovereignty, Sweet America the land of the free, the home of the brave. I still believe there are enough of us here to make a wave. I still believe in HER. But the media drowns out truth and American History is being distorted. Our kids are being tainted and the government is trying to take control of the parents position. And some how we sit here idle as if we are just trying to stay  alive by just existing.

America where is your boldness? Your courage? Where are the Moses' of your people?

I want to tell you that I am doing my part. It may be very small at that, but I am making sure my kids inside this home and outside my home KNOW  true History! That they KNOW her heritage. I want to instill in them that same American strength that led Harriet Tubman through the underground railroad with over 200 slaves. I want them to fight for freedom! I want them to know it's okay to speak your mind even when your standing in the midst of this ever raging storm. If you speak for TRUTH than the TRUTH shall set you free!

Parents get involved with your chidren's schooling. Ask them what they are learning. Ask to see their books and read them! KNOW what is going on inside the walls of their school. BE BOLD! It only takes one Moses to free a thousand slaves.

I don't know about you, but I feel something brewing........And I aim to be on the side of TRUTH. This crazy upside down world where Right is wrong and Wrong is right...I can't sit idly by and just exist. FREEDOM was bought and paid for through CHRIST first and because this Great Nation was born and founded on that very same freedom our American soldiers have laid down there life for no greater cause!

"I freed over a thousand slaves and I would of freed over a thousand more if they only knew they were slaves."

Harriet Tubman
1820-1913

If your looking for true American History Books that have not been distorted keep your eye open I will share with you some great websites and a list of some really good and interesting History Books. Ones that will actually keep your child's attention. Yours too I might add!