Because Your Everyday Is Not Meant To Be Perfect

I use to be the Mama who talked about having everything perfect...The one who wanted life to run smoothly with out any disasters or interruptions. The one who always expected way too much and in the end I received so little.

And how do you go from wanting everything to be perfect to accepting imperfections as your everyday?

You kneel down and look up

Ask for Grace

And then give Grace......

The funny thing is I still haven't perfected those three steps yet.........

But in all His perfection He continues to give me Grace.

This week we were suppose to start school on Monday and then life got in the way, so I moved it to Wednesday but, Mama wasn't feeling well. The expected always seems to come unexpectedly.........

So I take a deep breath because math has to be taught and there are things they must learn this year. Dentist appointments to be made. A baby to welcome into our home. Mix a little broken heart with that and you have the formula for imperfection waiting to happen.

So I kneel down

I'm asking for Grace

So that I may give Grace...........

And He doesn't want me to come all wrapped up in my perfection......No, I come broken every time. And every time His strength is made out of my weaknesses.

And He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness." Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. 2 Corinthians 12:9

Oh Beloved, may His Grace cover all your imperfections and His strength Shine bright with in to shine boldly through out your day.

Kneeling down, Looking up
Asking For Grace
So that I may Give Grace 

Grace And A Long Way To Go

As He hung there on the cross, the crowds mocking Him, He speaks 10 little words that have more power than tens of hundreds of words. And as I read them again and again it hits hard and pierces deep into my soul.....

I've read it before, I've heard it over and over.  I'm always amazed when He meets me right where I am. Right here in the midst of a troubled heart and actions done all wrong.

"Father forgive them for they know not what they do." Luke 23:34

Forgiveness for things done unaware.....And He had it down to a perfection. To the point where He could forgive the very men putting Him to death. The very crowd mocking Him.

And me sitting here in the comfort of my home thinking one should know better. Thinking one knows what he's doing by his actions too offensive.......

Then my man comes to me and says what I should already know...."But Kimmy, he wasn't brought up the way you and I were. How is he to know what is expected of him?"  I can be stubborn....I was born with a stubborn streak. But I've learned that in the midst of my streaks that I can still  have an open heart, an open mind. When my man thinks I'm not listening....I really am. I tell him I don't believe it. One always knows right from wrong......Don't they?

And right now I'm contemplating my own harsh actions. My very own unforgiving feelings and I ask the Lord to forgive me......Because I know what I've been doing and I did it anyway..........

That's the  most amazing thing about His grace.....He forgives those that are unaware of their actions just the same as He forgives the ones well aware of what they are doing.

Father, I now know it has been my heart that needed molding. It was my heart that needed opening. This adventure turned all wrong has turned out all RIGHT for your GLORY.....And I pray I never feel that I have arrived to the point where I don't have any more room to grow....To learn....To be stretched and molded. And I'm thankful for your unending GRACE. And just when I thought I have completely comprehended what GRACE is, what it means, what it does, I find I have a long way to go......

When I'd Given Up, Shut The Door And All But, Said Goodbye.....

When I'd given up, shut the door and all but said goodbye......My little man reminds me how precious this life. How never giving up on any one should be a priority.

I've always been quick to slam the door when one has proven my patience short. And although I can say that I have tried. Over and over again I have tried to see things new. To forgive and move on. But when sin is constant. When it's never ending and there is not one sorry, not one thank you, I tend to shut down and give up....

But not my little man. He sees a lost soul and his heart literally aches and bleeds for this soul. No matter how hard it is to continue giving grace he still pushes forward and moves on as if he is on a mission. And yesterday I was put to shame....

Beginning announcements, prayer request and praises at our homeschool co-op yesterday and my little man raises his hand. "I want to pray for Daniel. Every night before I say my prayers I ask Daniel to come pray with me. And every night he sighs heavy not really wanting to, but doing it to keep me happy." And if I could of scooped my little man up in my arms I would of.....but no one would of understood why.....They don't know our plight.

You see we've been on this journey my family and I, We've taken one in from a far away land. And here in our home where two cultures literally collide we all have been put to the test. And I must say I've failed miserably.....

Hosting people in my home, that's what I do. To feed people and make them happy....that's what I love to do! And at some point what I love to do has turned into a chore. I hate that it has turned out this way. But I have to be honest it's not at all what I had expected. I expected laughter and wonder. Learning and growing. Gaining a good friend.........

I believe my expectations were set way too high. And that's my fault.

I never knew little man was praying with him. I never knew in the whole 3 months he has been here....until yesterday. And this is where I have no words. I humbly admit my eight year old son is wiser than I. His heart is larger than mine. I know better, I should know better.

And although our worlds are different, we still are created by one maker. A maker that sent Grace and Mercy, that teaches Forgiveness and Peace.

What ever you do with your hands do it with all your might. Serve others as though you were serving unto the Lord.  All this, floating above my head. I've often asked God what His purpose was, what I was suppose to be learning? I believe I have been shown through the words and actions of my little man yesterday.

Where you see bitterness and anger, one with out hope, He sees a lost soul. When you have given up, He never does and neither should you. When you think you were the one to give something, to teach them something and you were actually the one who needed to learn and receive. Serve with JOY because you have a JOY like no other. You don't serve to get thank you's or admiration, a "that a girl" or a pat on the back. You serve because of the love and the grace that was given you. You do it for Him. Because He did it all for you.

We have 8 days left....At this point I feel that all I can do is pray. I should of been praying all along. Somethings just go way beyond what we can handle, but should we really even handle anything by ourselves?  My little man knew exactly what to do when nothing else seem to work..........He knew to fall to his knees and pray! And he started right from the very beginning.

Angry Words and Fragile Hearts

I often wonder why I can't speak eloquently in front of people.....Why, when I'm confronted with every day issues I can't convey what I'm thinking?  Put a pen and paper in my hand, or a key board and soft music in the back ground and the words somehow seem to flow like a river........But then again confrontation was never my strong suit. It seemed to be a suit that was always too large, one that I was never meant to wear. I'm more apt to back down and turn away because I'm afraid of the words I might say out of hurt and frustration....yes that's me.

Don't get me wrong, there have also been some times where I have spoken and should of kept quiet........I still have moments when my tongue wags.

I guess it's easy to tap keys without an audience. No one here but Him and I in silence. I always ask, I always run it by Him before I share. It's not easy to do when your in confrontation, the heat of the moment. To stop and ask for advise I mean......But isn't it better to take the time, to pause a little, take a deep breath and walk out of the room. To stop and ask for help when you know your headed in a no win situation fast.

There was a moment a couple of years ago that I didn't take the time. I did not pause and breathe deep. Instead I spewed hurtful words across the room and scared my family. Believe me when I say my intentions were not to harm their hearts. I was just as shocked as they were when I had ran in the room and slammed the door. And at the time I was begging for a do over. I wanted to take it all back. but I couldn't.....I can't. And they still remember. I've said my sorries asked for their forgiveness, tried to explain away the daggers still piercing their hearts. I chalked it up to being pregnant and told them that sometimes that happens, hormones raging out of control. In reality, there was no excuse for my behavior.

I tell you this story to let you know that I may be encouraging as I sit behind my computer and I take the time to make sure my words are just right but,  sometimes I say things that hurt and cut deep. And although they all have forgiven me.....I know they still remember the moment. I can't take the words back. I can only hope they know how deeply sorry I am. How much they are all truly loved by me. And that my heart still breaks at the memory of it all.

I tell you this story to let you know how deeply words wound and destroy and if we don't take the time to pause we may spew a fatal blow, a piercing dagger right through a fragile heart of a loved one.

Today I felt a little hurt, a little gained up on. But I paused, breathed deep and walked away.......And no angry words were said. And fragile hearts were kept in tact.

17 Every good endowment and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. 18 Of his own will he brought us forth by the word of truth that we should be a kind of first fruits of his creatures. 19 Know this, my beloved brethren. Let every man be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger, 20 for the anger of man does not work the righteousness of God. 
James 1:17-20

G-R-A-C-E

Above my desk where I can see them daily are 5 letters. A simple little word, but so full of meaning. It's a reminder to me that not only do I receive grace moment to moment, but that I am to give grace in every moment......I'm still learning this one. Still trying to get it right.

I was trying to come up with an Acronym for G-R-A-C-E this morning and was stuck on the letter A. I went to my 1828 version of Noah Webster's Dictionary. Opened up to the beginning, literally flipped back one page and there as bold as the SON, I found this word.......I've never heard nor seen this word before.


Ablution: The act of washing, cleansing or purification. It goes onto say that Moses did this as preparation for religious duties and that he enjoyed it.

G- God
R- Reigns
A- Ablution
C- Christ
E- Eternal

Remembering to start my day with GRACE, for it is given to me moment by moment. As my God forever Reigns he has Purified me through Christ Eternal! There in the word G-R-A-C-E is the reason for my JOY.............

Grace Is For The Unexpected

Lawn chairs, water and the SON.....That's all you need to celebrate..... to celebrate the dead coming to life.
 I breathe in deep on a windy day as the clouds shade the sun in brief passing moments. Moments like these move all too quickly. So I bring my camera because I've missed too many moments lately.....

But none will compare to what I captured today. They say the water was warm. The breeze blowing cool across the lake. My emotions were high and my heart, if it could soar it would of taken flight.

And don't you have to die before you start living?

Doesn't the old pass away to make way for the new? When you speak His name, the one whose blood will wash you white......When you confess with your mouth That He is Lord of your Life, it is then you truly start living......

It's not the waters that save you. It's not the waves that wash you clean. And yet without water one can not live. So how appropriate the symbol of water and the true meaning of life.

And this Mama, she is overwhelmed with a JOY like no other.......

 But it's not just for my own that I have been blessed. It's all that I took in, all that consumed me while I was a witness.....

You see what I had witnessed is what everybody should know...His saving Grace is not just for the young. It doesn't exclude anyone. His grace is for everyone....

It's for the unexpected. The one who wasn't expecting the Holy Spirit to grab hold of his heart.....

The one who had to leave his boots on the bank by the water and go in with what he had on.....

It's for the aging.....The one who waited all his life to make things right.....to make things new.

It's for the one with the ruff exterior, whose heart can only be softened by the Son's love.

You see, His saving Grace is for all of us.......The Young, Old, Weak, Strong, Broken, Unexpected, Rich, Poor, me.............YOU

For God so loved the WORLD that he gave His one and only Son, that who ever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16

The water is warm. The breeze blowing cool. What are you waiting for?

It's All Grace

In the spring all seems to be bursting forth life, young life. All is made new. Brown turns to green and blushing peach.

 I get a phone call from my daddy, "I just wanted you to know Grandma is in the hospital. She had a minor heart attack last night." My thoughts go racing and I don't tell him what I'm thinking.......She is 88, it's been 17 years since she had felt the pain and the crushing weight in her chest. I remember feeling fear and that fear caused us to hit our knees in prayer.

And I question how you can feel spring when your living your winter?   The surgery 17 years ago had mended her broken heart. I remember her revealing the stitches in her leg where they had taken one vein to replace another. I remember looking at her chest and how sore, red and raised from the swelling.
Nearly losing her had caused concern and I wondered if she knew.....If she knew about the God-man that walked the earth all those years ago.  I wrote her a love letter explaining and asking if she knew Him, the man with the nail scarred hands. The one that loved her so much (the only one) that He gave his life for her. I remember tearing up as I wrote each and every word, because I couldn't imagine not ever being able to see her again.

I never expected her to write........Because some things are just too personal and sometimes to even breath His name Yahweh, it makes people silent and they don't want to speak about such things. Makes them uncomfortable that somehow they could put trust in a man named Jesus.

My Grandmother....she sent me a birthday card and in the birthday card she wrote.......

"I received your letter and I wanted you to know that the Lord was the one who carried me through my heart problem."

And why is it so strange to talk about? Why the awkwardness?

“Therefore everyone who confesses Me before men, I will also confess him before My Father who is in heaven. “But whoever denies Me before men, I will also deny him before My Father who is in heaven. Matthew 10:32-33



It's all grace. It's nothing you can do. It's everything He has done for you. This King of Kings that came down off His throne, spotless, sinless to take the place of you and I. He knew this aching, bleeding world needed a Savior and He loves us too much to just let go ............He loved us with arms stretched wide open, nailed to a tree. His heart left brutally bare and bleeding........and it's my sin that nailed Him there, it's our sin nature that hammered each and every nail. But it's the blood of redemption and it's the crimson red drops that will wash you pure white if you ask him to.

Life in heaven is not free, it was paid with price. You don't get there by doing good deeds. It is given as a gift. In return you need Faith that He came and did what He said He was going to do.  He doesn't force anyone to this safe, saving place. You can't force love. But you can choose love...........You can choose to feel Spring even in your winter.

What's the catch? You leave the old and embrace the new FORGIVEN You. And when it's your time to be called home you will be living your SPRING always.......