Trying so Hard Not To Repeat

I've held on to life with a grip so tight it could actually choke out the beauty and mystery of all that it holds. I've turned away and put up walls, blocked out the Son and refused to see the light.

 I've even been known to look inward, always focusing on ME.......

I've hurt hearts, offended friends, and got involved in brokenness that wasn't mine to fix. I've said words that cut through steel and made actions with out ever minding the consequences......

I've chosen unwisely and had to live by my choices....I've had to learn how to mend and know that sometimes I will never be forgiven by others here this side of heaven. But it's in forgiving others that I find peace....

I've seen raging hearts and weak souls and turned and walked away knowing full well I could of made a difference in someones life but, was too busy with my own......

And through all my mess ups and the dirt I dragged my muddy soul into I am being molded and refined. And it's not always easy, the lessons that I learn are not always so simple. And most times I barely come up for air from the hard blow of it all.

But over the years I am still learning GRACE......And Grace has picked me up out of that muddy hole more times than I can count.....And hear my heart, each time was a lesson learned, one that I try very hard not to repeat......Because in this life,  a lesson learned is a sin not repeated.

As I look at this life of mine at the age of 42.......I can honestly say:

My grip on life is not the choking kind.....I have learned to let go when I have to.......when I need to. And most importantly when I do let go, God shows me the beauty in the adventure when I thought there wouldn't be.

I'm attracted to the light and find I always want to walk in it's glow.

I may still hurt hearts but, it's never my intention and when I'm made aware I reach out for forgiveness. I also understand I may never receive it....and that's okay.....I am forgiven by my Heavenly Father and that's truly what matters.

I stay clear of brokenness that was never mine to fix........But I will pray for healing.

I now look for raging hearts and weak souls... I have an overwhelming need to comfort them. To let them know there is a greater LOVE. And when I look outward my eyes see what His heart aches for.

I choose my words and decisions wisely....And still my tongue can manage to sting and my actions may offend. I never claimed to be perfect.....I'm just a sin soaked Mama saved by His Amazing Grace. I may get it right from time to time and then again I may not.......But I live my life differently because I'm always learning, trying so hard not to do the repeating.......