Search Me O God

When my days go whirling and twirling around me and I can't seem to get it right....I don't think I'm doing this right. I sit still and look for answers. I wait to hear something, anything that would direct me in the way I need to go. And isn't it easy to get lost in self? Until that's all you see and hear are the moaning and the groaning of an inward heart......

My heart sometimes gets trapped inside itself.....And I go through my days struggling and flailing about. Wandering off His chosen path for me. Irritated when I should be calm. Scattered when I should be assembled. Loud when I should be silent.......

Have I asked for Him to search my heart? Am I afraid of what He may find? .........What He already knows. Why do I fear the things He may ask me to do? I give excuse after excuse. I'm not qualified. I'm too busy. Too much on my plate. 

I fear I may mislead a soul....steer them down the wrong path....Say the wrong thing.  The Lord knows I don't bite my tongue near as often as I should!

But hasn't He worked miracles with the unqualified?  Didn't He use the "least of these" to do wonders and move mountains? And because I want to be faithful.....I need to be honest.

And if I were truly honest I would let you all know my priorities are not in order. I lack in the organization department. Oh my, I want to, I want to be organized...But I fear I have a selfish heart still.....Most times it still beats out of rhythm, and I'm desperately trying to keep in step. 

This wife, this Mama wants desperately to be the woman God has called me to be. He has showed me lately where I fall short......And I am ashamed, to say the least.....Do I dare type the words He has chosen for me to see...... the ones that He has chosen to describe certain areas of my life? 

Lazy,

Selfish,

Un-kept, 

Unorganized, 

Misplaced and dis shoveled priorities. 

Ouch! And that's just barely scraping the surface....

Just as He is a loving God He is a Just God. Correcting His children when He sees fit. And as a child of God my most passionate desire is to please Him...to make Him proud.

Won't you be so kind and please pray with me while I work on these areas of my life?......I will never be perfect, but I want to strive to open the door of my heart and let His light shine through me! And He has showed me that if I don't clean these areas up in my life , I won't be as effective in the plans He has for me.

Search me, O God, and know my heart;Try me, and know my anxieties; and see if there is any wicked way in me, And lead me in the way everlasting. Psalm 139:23-24