I Surrender All

As I look through journals of the goals and dreams written for school years that have come and gone, I notice they all have one thing in common......

It's the same prayer, the same repeated prayer. I always pray that I'll get through another year, "God give me this, let me have that, so that I can be this, and I can have that." Could it be that He is not hearing me? I'm asking for all the right things, aren't I?

Or am I? Am I asking Him to be in charge? Am I letting Him take control? Do I go to him in prayer about what our goals are for the year? I take the time to prepare......That's one of my most favorite things to do,  to plan and prepare.

 Am I pretending to include Him? I only call on Him when things aren't going as I had planned..........As I had planned? Did you catch that?................. I guess it really hasn't been His plan after all.

It's funny to me how you see things differently when you tap your failures out for everyone to see. And the books are all lined up, ready for another school year. He should be included in everything I do even if I think I can handle things on my own, even if it's too small in my eyes. Did I not surrender my life to Him?

Didn't I ask him into my heart, to dwell with in me? There should be no room left for ME..... Shouldn't HE occupy every corner, fill in all the cracks, repair what has been broken? When I try and do it alone I always fail and then I repeat what I've done before. I repeat the prayer and repeat the failure.

So this year I'm letting it go.....I'm giving up control. I really wasn't in control anyway. Father God I'm giving it back..... this area of my life that I always seem to not do right. I'm in need of your guidance in everything we do this year, right down to the books we read and the chores that need to be assigned. I need you for the planning and the preparation. I need your advise on how to be more consistant. Father fill that space that I tried to fill on my own. I'm through with asking you for this so I can be that. Father I SURRENDER.......I Surrender ALL!....... AMEN.