Bitter Sweet 16

I don't know why this bothers me so.......This mile stone, the one that's staring me square in the eyes this morning. I feel hurt. Like I didn't get a fair shake......He just can't be 16 today. As my mind rewinds I see little blond curls and a greased up little man. Always quiet. Always thinking. Always tinkering. Many toy trucks lay scattered on the floor, some had been taken apart to see what makes them tick. And today he's good at what he does always tinkering, taking big trucks apart. Although this time they are the real deal with all 18 wheels.

 I read a journal that I kept and wrote moments down before there was ever this thing called blogging. I search frantically, I know it's there. I wrote one for each of my children, a sweet poem to let them know how much I deeply love them......

And this is what I wrote 15 years ago........


My Little One

wake up my little one.
wake up from your sleepy slumber.
Mommy's here, my little one.
To take you through this day of wonder.
Slow down, my little one.
Your first birthday came too fast.
My precious little one,
I want this day to last.
Sleep now my little one
Tomorrow is another day.
Sweet dreams my little one
May God's LOVE kiss your face.

And this is what I want to write today......

You were the first to ever be cradled in my arms that I could call my own. The very first to call me Mommy. I've learned so much being your Mama. I've discovered a love like no other. None can compare. And I remember protecting you, not wanting to let you out of my sight. And Daddy gently prodding me to let you go. Little by little I would cut one string at a time.......

I am so proud of the young man you are becoming and I truly mean that. You are bright, hard working, passionate and so loving. I love that you still want to hug on your Mama at the ripe ole age of 16. I love your wit and your charm. I love how you can watch a scene from a movie just once and play it back with out hesitation matching the person's voice and remembering every line. I love how strong you have become but, yet you still have that sensitivity that you had when you were a little boy. And although you may not be little any more there is one thing that will never change! You will always be  my very first little man.

I deeply love you with every thread of my being and I can't imagine never having the honor of becoming your Mama. You have Blessed this Mama's life in more ways than you could ever imagine!

HAPPY SWEET 16 JOHN HUNTER JENKINS!!!