Another Visit

It was early December and Mr. winter had already brought his chill. Although I wouldn't of known it, being down South where the Sun shines warm. A call comes in, Mama tells me " The Doctor just said he don't have much time, a day at best." My heart beats fast in side my chest. I feel that anxious feeling...My legs all aching like I need to run.

My Man tells me to pack my bags, he'll take me up in the truck. And I had two babies I could hardly stand to leave for 5 minutes, let a lone a few days. And all the while with each mile I'm praying....begging God to please keep him here just a little while longer. I want to say goodbye. Please just let me say goodbye........

We make it through the first day on the road and morning finds me all sleepy eyed. Johnny's cell phone rings......I feel it in my bones as cold as the first winter snow that pierces straight through. He hands the phone to me and Mama says "Kimmy he's gone......he died last night beneath the light of the full moon....." And she's crying cause it's her Daddy.....I'm crying cause he's my Grandpa.

And I can still hear his voice like crakilin' fire.  "Say Kim!" He was the only one to call me Kim. He never knew I hated to be called anything other than Kimmy.....But I let him anyway. And in a small box there sits an angel pin that he had given me years ago. "I was going to take it to the priest to have it blessed but, he was busy and couldn't fit me in."

He came from a long line of Catholics and Mama she broke away and became Presbyterian...and me, I'm a Southern Baptist........And does it really matter what your denomination, if you all believe in the same God/Man that walked this earth. The very one that gave it all for you and I? If you understand that Jesus Christ is God's son and there is nothing you can do to earn your way to heaven.....The debt has been paid....The grave was conquered. If that's the belief you share than that's all that matters......

So when I got a call from Mama again telling me that my Grandma had to go in for surgery. I got that same anxious feeling.......You see, she is frail, with clogged arteries and heart issues......they said she probably wouldn't make it through surgery but, that if she didn't do the surgery she wouldn't make it anyway.

Don't get me wrong......I'm not afraid of death. I know she knows the God/Man. My fear? The one that gripped me 12 years ago, is the fear of not having the chance to say goodbye. It's hard to be 1200 miles away. To not be there for those moments when all you want to do is hold her hand, look her straight in the eyes, tell her how much you love her and then kiss her sweet Grandma lips........

I know she probably wouldn't appreciate me trying to write her off so soon but, I write this because life is fragile not only for my 89 year old grandmother but, for everyone! I write this because I haven't seen her in 4 years and I need another visit, because 4 years is too long to go with out grabbing her hand and hugging her so.........

 I don't know if I have the right but, I begged God again to give me another visit before she goes home for good .......Because not being able to see Grandpa before he went home, still really hurts my heart......

I want to thank you all for your prayers. She came through the surgery well and is recovering at home. God is Good...... I also want to make it clear that for what ever reason He chooses not answer my prayer, I will understand.

Because it's all, (the heartbreaks, tears, Joy, sadness, treasured moments.)  for his Glory!