Hiding In The Shadows

Even among the shadows........ Through bursts of light.

Amidst the darkness.......... In the outlines of things living.

 Even among that which is covered up..............Among those that are draped in the covering of Forgiveness and Grace.

Amidst the living............In the warm rays of the Son............

 Stands the lifeless..........

Uncovered, Bare and unprotected. Yet, among the living the dead are still walking, searching, and losing hope.
It's in the shadows I find myself at times. Wanting to stay protected and covered from the dead life walking.....Draping myself with the dark one's given insecurties. Instead of draping myself with Forgiveness and Grace. Oh, to let others know what it feels like to be cloaked in His mercy!

But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, 1 Peter 3:15

Among the dead are those that live........for it is light that makes everything visible. This is why it is said: "Wake up, O sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you." Ephesians 5:14

Asking and praying for His Light to shine on me, when all I want to do is hide in the shadows.........

Praying With Silent Tears

Sinners all lined up, young and old. Waiting to partake in something so beautifully symbolic of the Greatest Gift ever given. Last Sunday we had one of the most moving, heart opening communion services I have ever been to. I don't know if it was just me and maybe it was just my heart being in the right place at the right time.........I believe your heart has to be open......opened up to all of the places that were broken.

So you can remember all of the places that he has filled, all of those empty spaces that used to be cracked and split deep. Because when you open your heart, your soul remembers how you once were, who you once were....  And it's in the remembering that grace will always be there to stay. Grace never leaves once it's been invited.

The Pastor had asked us to go back to our seats and quietly pray........But this time I had no words, there was nothing I could say. So I prayed silent tears, that's all that would flow out of me. I tried to speak, I tried to whisper words of thanks and praise, And there was nothing. 

Nothing but Silent tears..........Tears of thankful praise and disbelief that he could take this sin drenched Mama and turn her dirty life around. Disbelief that he could take all the fillthy things that I have done and make me as white as snow. It hurts to believe that he hung on that cross for this pitiful sinner. But loving this much does hurt.......Sacrificing does hurt.

Sometimes there are no words, but he understands the silent tears. He can hear them and he knows. And it's in the tears that I cry, I AM FORGIVEN! Those tears spoke more clearly than any words could ever speak that day.

It Does This Mama's Heart Good

 Last night I was doing some last minute things, things that should of already been done. It was 12:30 by the time I headed off to bed. But before my head had found my pillow, I decided to make one more peak into every door down the hall. And there at the end of the hall, Gentle Giant's room was all a glow. I was fixing to forget about my meek and quiet spirit.....I was ready to..................

And just as the Son warms the soul, nothing could of prepared my tired eyes for what they were about to see. This boy of mine had planned almost a year ago to read the Bible straight through. I thought he had given up.......You know how we all have good intentions, how I always have good intentions.

And there laying on his chest was the most precious book ever written. Resting in his hands, sleep had found his eyes, but before he fell asleep he let the living word fill his heart.

And it does this Mama's heart good. It warms my soul to know that he loves his Lord. Just before I came here to sit at this desk and share this story with you, Sunshine girl came and asked for help because she is doing a bible study. All on her own, without my prodding. And right after supper Butterfly girl was sitting in the middle of the living room, reading a bible story to my Little man as he colored a picture.

Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it. Proverbs 22:6

Did I say that this Mama's heart is doing good, as her eyes drink in the beauty that surrounds her.

The Finding And Seeing Of The Faded

I don't like to place too much emphasis on animals. I never want to take away from the value of human life, but I believe pets do have a place in our lives........I believe they are here for the teaching.....the teaching of one of life's most precious lessons.

They say that when a dog knows that it's dying, it will go off on it's own, all alone to fade away. That's what Josey did, Our family dog. Just two weeks ago she wandered off to slip away. My Gentle Giant found her. He found her lifeless in a pile of leaves near the edge of the woods.

He brought her home so we all could say goodbye. There is just something about seeing the end of life. Seeing prepares the heart for the letting go of.......we said our goodbyes each of us in our own way. Gentle Giant, he was quiet. Little man, just looked nervously on. Butterfly girl, she cried quiet tears for a week sraight in the darkness of her room. Sunshine girl kept her feelings inside. And Mama, well the tears didn't find me until I saw those big ole brown eyes that had stayed open with her last breath.

So we made plans, Daddy asked "where would you all like to put her?" They all agreed that Josey should be put to rest out beyond the the swing set where she use to watch them play. They made a cross and ever so carefully painted her name in left over model paint from an old project that was never finished. The little ones laid flowers on her grave, They colored her white cross with their crayons. All of this....All of the little things had helped them to say goodbye. It helped ease their pain.

And her death has opened up a whole new world of questions that needed desperate answers. And Johnny and I, we were there to answer. We were there to hold and to hug the hurt away.

Sounds kind of similar to our letting go doesn't it? The finding and seeing of the faded. The planning and preparing for the one who has slipped away. The saying good bye.........

My Daddy, he doesn't like to say goodbye. he says "so long for now." Because he knows that no matter what happens we will see eachother again. We know What comes next. He knows what His Ending will be. It's by the GRACE of God we are saved. We have made our plans, made our reservations. We are preapared for the letting go of.........

Is there a difference between that of an animal death and a human death?  We are certain there is a forever, an eternal spring of life for us .........If we accept it. And Jesus Came to save the souls of men, not animals. To my knowledge there is no reference in the bible that states animals have a soul. But, my little man, he has told me that he would like to believe that Josey is in a better place, And for right now that's ok with me. I don't have an answer to that question And their questions need answers and I'm still deep in research, deep in His word so that  maybe someday I will be able to answer that question.


166. Eternal spring Of Life
167. A Whole New World Of Questions
168. Being able to Answer Those Questions
169. Life's Lessons
170. The Gift Of Grace
171. White Crosses with Crayon Markings
172. Great Pets
173. Tears that need to flow
174. Searching His word for Answers

Sustain

He has been gently tapping on my shoulder, softly whispering in my ear..............

He is not loud to get my attention. He doesn't have to be. His words, they find me when I need growing.....and I always need growing........... I always need molding.

 And it's in the breaking of the sound barrier that I find myself......that I find myself off His path, the path that He has chosen for me. Raising my voice when I should be gentle in spirit.

You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God. 1 Peter 3:4.

That verse has been finding me every where I turn in the last few months. It's funny to me how He chooses to get my attention. And it's not loud or abrupt, not startling, but in gentle ways. What better way to get my attention on an issue that I seem to have trouble with. Oh, I find myself getting ever so slightly better. I'm getting better at clothing myself with a gentle and quiet spirit.

He knows my moments are more often than not.........my loud abrupt moments. And it's in the quiet that I find Him, He knows It's in the quiet that I listen. It's in the quiet that I find what He has been trying to show me.
 
There is an old saying that says you can catch more flies with honey than vinegar. And there are times when all I do  is spill vinegar from my jar. It's hard to collect the honey when I haven't had time to sleep. But I found that if I make myself aware and stay in His word, He will sustain me until I get the rest I need. I never use to count on  it.....the sustaining I mean. I have found that He sustains those who sustain in His love letter. His Holy, Living, Breathing Word... It breathes life into those who maintain in it.
 
Sustain: To keep in existence; keep up; maintain. To provide nourishment. to carry the weight or burden of. To strengthen the spirits. To endure, withstand or uphold.
 
All this week He has sustained me. I should be tired, I should be exhausted, but I'm not.........You see I'm learning to keep up; To maintain. So He can provide nourishment, So He can carry my burden and strengthen my spirit.

Once Old, Forever New

 1 John 3:2-3 
Beloved, we are God's children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that when he appears we shall be like him, because we shall see him as he is. And everyone who thus hopes in him purifies himself as he is pure.


 I've often wondered why Butterfly girl loves these little creatures so much.........

Maybe it's because she knows how they once started out, how it all began for them...... How it all begins for us.

2 Corinthians 5:17 
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.


 She knows that we won't always stay low to the ground. she knows that one day this old shell will pass away and a new creation will come forth. Our wings will spread, and once they are done basking in the Son, it is then we will soar.

It is amazing to me how once a worm, can change into one of the most Beautiful creatures God has ever created. And that's exactly what He can do for you and I. I'm looking forward to the day when I can try out my new wings. How about you?

161. New creations
162. Basking in the Son
163. Being God's child
164. Perfect butterfly markings
165. Once old, Forever new

Filling The Shoes Of A Virtuous Woman

 All lined up, heavy laden on a bowing shelf.........

Jars of sunshine yellow, crimson red, and deep purple. I prepare the food, fill the jars and line the shelves. Fall's harvest, Winter's storage. I actually enjoy preserving..........To see all of my hard work decorating the shelves.

 I willing work with my hands to bring food from afar. Oh how I strive to be like that of the woman in proverbs 31.......Where strength and honor shall be my clothing; and I shall rejoice in time to come. Long is the road I must travel. SO many steps I must take in order to preserve the fruits of the spirit.

 ²²But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, ²³gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

  Most likely I may never fill her shoes, this woman of virtue, but I am trying my best to fill the shoes that my Father has for me.

And it's in the preserving and the storing that I am reminded how this putting up of fall's harvest takes time, takes PATIENCE.........With each jar that I fill I am reminded of the LOVE I have for my family......... with each jar I am reminded to be GENTLE and show SELF-CONTROL.......And it's with JOY that I work with my hands, because He is my FAITHFUL, LOVING Father..........And I will serve it with KINDNESS, and they will taste of it's GOODNESS. And all of these things will bring PEACE to those who par-take of it.

I AM BLESSED!

Hoping And Praying

They are cousins. They don't know it yet, they don't realize that they are biologically knitted together. I hope they stay close like this. I hope they will learn and remember how important family is.

 The sharing, the communication, The love that keeps growing..............

I hope and pray they will live in harmony with one another. I hope and pray they are sympathetic, that they love like sisters.

I pray they have compassion......I pray that they are humble. I pray that the apologies come and go. I pray they are able to move on from the hurt and are molded by it.

I hope and pray for laughter and whimsy to fill their lives. I hope and pray they keep the family strong, and they hold on to family traditions, and birth new ones. I hope and pray they open His word and share it with each other and with others.

Tonight my heart aches for a family who has decide to let go..... To let go of tradition, compassion and communication. They have decided to quarrel and sever the ties. The traditions have all been forgotten. There are no more memories in the making. And they fear......What comes next

 My heart is aching because the Bible was never opened up and the living word has yet to fill their ears and hold their souls. My heart is hoping and praying for the Miracle Maker to step in and work His miracles. My prayer is that they will end up living in harmony with each other even if it's not on this side of heaven. My prayer is that they live in harmony with the one who loves them so much, that He gave His one and only SON...........

Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble.
1 Peter 3:8

For The Keeping

 For the keeping of sweet crunchy things. For the keeping of dried banana rings........

 For the keeping of a candle's soft glow.......

 For the keeping of Butter Fly Girl's catch of the day.......

For the keeping of Fall's Harvest........

"The Lord bless you and KEEP you; the Lord make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn his face toward you and GIVE you peace." Numbers 6:24-26

He is all about GIVING, He is for the KEEPING!


Life is about keeping what has been given you, preserving what was sacrificed. Life is about keeping the love, keeping communication, keeping it real........Eternal life is given freely, It's worth accepting........It's worth KEEPING!

Waiting For The Growing

 We are waiting...........

 Waiting for the green to turn colors. Waiting for the small to get big........

 We are waiting for them to grow. Because growing takes time.

And even though they are right in front of me, I still tend to lose my focus. So many times I have lost focus on what really matters.  And although I wait in the garden. I stand still, hoping that the stillness will stop them from growing. My babies I mean. But way deep down, that's not what I really want. I need to let them grow.......Especially their soul. As I stand still I remember their souls need nourishment to grow.

  I stand still and remember to focus. I remember to look for the details. I stand still and remember their worth is more than many sparrows. And as they grow and produce the fruit, I also grow...............I pray for the worth of their fruit. I pray for mine......

And even the very hairs of your head are numbered. Matthew 10:30

When I feel Like I'm failing, He reminds me that He catches the falling. And in the falling comes the growing. For them, for me.......So in the Garden we wait.........We wait for the growing..........Because Growing takes time.

When Fear Creeps In

 When I was younger I feared rejection.......

 When I was younger I feared failure........

 When I was younger I feared the unknown........

 I suppose I still do at times. I suppose I still let those fears creep in and steal my Joy.

 Today fear of rejection came back from a long winters sleep and it was the hard and choking kind. The kind that snuffs out the life of good intentions, dreams and plans.

Today doubt came back like an old lonely friend............I was too tired to fight it off......too weak to push it away. So I put the fear on like a coat and wrapped myself in failure..........

I told my man that I might of bit off more than I could chew. Maybe this dream really wasn't meant to be.

I retreat to my computer where I tap out all of what I feel. And there in my in-box a couple of e-mails. Little Joy refreshments, Little nuggets of sweetness, Little reminders of why God puts me in just the right place at just the right time.


 "My daughter loves your new Co-op! She can't wait for Tuesdays!"   "If you need help please don't hesitate to ask, I would love to!"  "Hey, isn't it neat how Our Co-op is also becoming a Mininstry?" "My kids really love Tuesdays now!"

I tend to forget that sometimes I am my own worst critic. I am the only one........I am the only one who can crush my Joy! I was reminded today that I need to look through the eyes of a child and not the eyes of a Mama who strives too hard for perfection. And it's in the living of life's lessons that I learn. I have the power to push out the fears that use to strangle me when I was a girl. Why is it then, I still forget that what I hold in my heart is the power to drive out every fear I've ever known?

Instead of the coat of fear, Tonight I am wrapping myself in His Mercy and Grace.......I'm asking His forgiveness, for letting those old worn out fears creep in again.

"And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age." Matthew 28:20



But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.
2 Corinthians 12:9