Grace Is For The Unexpected

Lawn chairs, water and the SON.....That's all you need to celebrate..... to celebrate the dead coming to life.
 I breathe in deep on a windy day as the clouds shade the sun in brief passing moments. Moments like these move all too quickly. So I bring my camera because I've missed too many moments lately.....

But none will compare to what I captured today. They say the water was warm. The breeze blowing cool across the lake. My emotions were high and my heart, if it could soar it would of taken flight.

And don't you have to die before you start living?

Doesn't the old pass away to make way for the new? When you speak His name, the one whose blood will wash you white......When you confess with your mouth That He is Lord of your Life, it is then you truly start living......

It's not the waters that save you. It's not the waves that wash you clean. And yet without water one can not live. So how appropriate the symbol of water and the true meaning of life.

And this Mama, she is overwhelmed with a JOY like no other.......

 But it's not just for my own that I have been blessed. It's all that I took in, all that consumed me while I was a witness.....

You see what I had witnessed is what everybody should know...His saving Grace is not just for the young. It doesn't exclude anyone. His grace is for everyone....

It's for the unexpected. The one who wasn't expecting the Holy Spirit to grab hold of his heart.....

The one who had to leave his boots on the bank by the water and go in with what he had on.....

It's for the aging.....The one who waited all his life to make things right.....to make things new.

It's for the one with the ruff exterior, whose heart can only be softened by the Son's love.

You see, His saving Grace is for all of us.......The Young, Old, Weak, Strong, Broken, Unexpected, Rich, Poor, me.............YOU

For God so loved the WORLD that he gave His one and only Son, that who ever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16

The water is warm. The breeze blowing cool. What are you waiting for?

More Beautiful Moments

"For I know the plans I have for you, " declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11



Right now I'm wishing I had my camera. The images in my head I want to hold tight to. I was going to bring it yesterday while we went out, I even had it in my hand. But for some reason I put it back down. And I don't get very many chances like this.........

I see his once strong, young hands now aged with tremmor. And as he holds his last grandchild I'm aching inside....And he doesn't know it. I don't tell him that what I had envisioned for him, what I had planned for his later years in life is not at all what I see happening now.

The road is hard on a man trying to make a living. After all these years of working hard to take care of his family, I ask God to please take care of him......His eyes are tired. I think to myself how much longer can this go on? I feel the thought in my head reaching down to my heart. I'm hoping he can't see it in my eyes that he can't read my mind. Hoping some how that my thoughts can't speak loud volumes.

And watching him go seems so much harder this time around. It just doesn't feel right . I know I can't change the hands of time......But God can't you just change this ending. This is not how I want this story to go. You have it all wrong. This is not the way I want the road to go. It's the wrong direction. Can't you please stop the train, switch tracks? Something....Anything but this?

And in my head over and over again, each time I ask.....beg for Him to change the course. The words that are breathing life into this broken heart are whispering.... Dear sweet child, I know your heart aches but, you must put your trust in me. For I know the plans I have for you and your Daddy,  plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

 Life can be so hard this side of heaven. And although I'm praying.......HARD, I must rest in Him. My Daddy must rest in Him.

I pray for Rest, I pray for relief.... relief of the pain that age has settled in and caused. I pray for health and better decisions. I pray for JOY to come live even in all this pain and sadness.....I pray He remembers his Joy. I pray for clear vision on my part and his. But most of all Father I pray that you hold my Daddy in your strong, loving arms. Because I can't bare to see the hurt and the pain the years have caused.......

And next time Father......next time I want to take pictures, beautiful pictures. Help me to stop and notice the beauty of the moments to come......Give me Beautiful moments......More Beautiful MOMENTS..........

Saying "Yes!"

I bring books so I can read while I watch him at practice. He likes baseball, this shy little man of mine, but he's only shy when we are out. Kinda like his Daddy, a man of few words. But when Daddy does speak out in public some how everyone listens........

On the way to his practice we had talked about little things, like how much does a proffessional base ball player make? And is a Trillion more than a billion? We get to where he thinks he has practice.....we wait. Are you sure the coach said here? "Pretty sure."  we wait some more.......

"Mama maybe you better try the other place I might be wrong." And as we are walking to the right place, he looks up at me and says "Mama I'm sorry if this has caused you any frustration." I didn't even know he knew that word. To be honest on any given day I would of been frustrated, but on this day I wasn't.......

I looked down at my little man knowing I will be looking up at him soon....It's ok Kole it's not a big deal. And he smiles those baby blues wide into my soul and I melt.......

And what good is it to let the little things become frustrations? They only end up hurting hearts and causing a divide between souls. I don't want to be remembered as their frustrated Mama. The Mama who always let the little things bother her. The Mama who couldn't let go of the dirty house frustration, or the I have so much to do frustration.....

I talked to another Mama last night who said she is learning gentlesness, just like me.....And she told me how the other day she had so much to do......"But I always have so much to do and I know that she will not always be little. so when she asked me to play I said yes."

She said yes........I'm still learning that one. Saying yes, I mean. In my heart of hearts I know that saying "yes" more often than "no" will lead to less frustration........A less frustrated Mama.......which leads to a happy, fullfilled, contented child......Why is this one so hard to learn? Slowly learning to say "Yes!" I will play with you now, I will read to you now, I will listen to you now, I will come to you now.........Yes I will LOVE on you RIGHT NOW...........

Gentle Reminders

When I was a child I use to caress her hands and think to my self "she has such pretty hands, I would know them anywhere." Always soft, always gentle......The other day I was working with my hands, flipping pancakes, frying eggs and turning sausage. I had a skip in my step and a smile in my heart.....

And even when the bickering started I refused to let it build, to well up inside. This Mama, she tends to let things pile up on her heart until her heart can't take any more. Then the littlest one she has found her  voice, she surely can use the lungs that God gave her. So among all the bickering and the loud shrills and the"Mama I don't want to!" attitudes.......

My heart implodes. I throw up my hands, throw in the towel, throw my voice and give into the enemy. I've been trying so hard to diffuse moments like this before they even get started.......And it seems the harder I try, the harder it gets.

And Lately I've been wondering where my Mama got her gentleness....Because that's all I remember........ Except this one moment, this one moment in time when she had to use her pretty gentle hand against a loud back lashing teenager who had said words that had cut through her heart and stole her peace. Words I'm so ashamed of. Words that cut deep and leave wounds raw, bare and tender.....I don't blame her. I'm afraid I deserved the crack of her hand against my sinful cheek......

And I wonder if she remembers that day? The day when I stole her gentleness away, but only for a moment. I remember distinctly how she regained her self control with tears of painful hurt.  I had caused her to do something she had never wanted to do. She sent me to my room until my Daddy got home......Oh the long wait, the torture of waiting and knowing how I had disappointed them.

And then in that moment while I was thinking of the disappointment I had caused I think right now how I have disappointed my Father in Heaven for giving up so easily, for letting the anger pile up and not giving it to Him. For thinking I can do this when in all reality I can't.........Not with out Him. And to truly be in His will for my life I must be BROKEN.......I read a blog from Proverbs 31 Ministries this morning that moved my buried Gentle heart into action.....And while they are things I already know it was a gentle reminder that in order to be the Mama He wants me to be, I must lay it all down before Him. It's a constant battle to get rid of self.....To empty my vessel.

Yesterday before I even put my feet on the floor, I made sure Him and I had a little chat...And we continued to have little chats through out our day.....And I can just see Him smiling because that's all He wanted is for me to look towards heaven......Set my eyes on Him.

To be Gentle you have to look to the ONE who gives Gentle Reminders....

Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. Colossians 3:2

The Perfect Carpenter

We have wonderful neighbors across the way. The kids often go and visit them just to spend time with them....And as I'm writing this I want them to know that I felt the same way they did when they saw what he did. Disappointment.....Discouragement.......Disbelief......

He's been wanting to work with wood lately. To build things with his own two hands. He had went over and asked for help. He wanted to build a house, and so they helped....Nailing each board together. Putting tile in for the floor. Painting it. He brought it home and there it sat........He had said before that the house was meant for her. That's why he built it.

Imagine now, after all the hard work that the neighbors had put in, to make it special and then they find it tore apart on the shop floor........

Her birthday was coming up....They have always been close, Butterfly girl and Little man. Always together giggling, playing, just being....together. And he knew that she wanted and needed a toy box, even more than a doll house. She was always asking for one. Always wanting one like his.

When there was no more wood, no more scraps lying around. He did the next best thing. He tore apart the house to build the box. A box to put her things in. He worked hard. He only had two days. He did it on his own with very little help.......He knew what he wanted, he knew just what to do. He would work on it during the day and go up to the shop at night after supper  to hammer nails. You could tell it was important to him....so very important.

And when he brought it home, the look on his face was priceless. "Mama do ya think she'll like it?" I know she will, I said. So proud of what he had done, what he had accomplished. And I know it came at a price. The building of this box had hurt some hearts.....

But I want them to know all is not lost. When he found out  he had hurt our dear neighbors, he took what was broken, what had been torn apart and he salvaged it. He saved what was left.... It was suppose to be a doll house but now.........

It sits in our garage and we are using it as our garden shelf. Sometimes in life we think we are meant for one thing and how could we possibly be another? And sometimes.....most times, change can cause hurt and frustration. It's impossible to not step on hearts......We are all imperfect humans, but we have a Carpenter, a Perfect Carpenter who can take our scraps from what we were and turn us into something that glorifies Him. Something that He can use to further His Kingdom, to serve others........To Love others.

 Dear Precious neighbors our kids love and adore you.....You are appreciated for all you do, for who you are. So thankful, So blessed to have you in our lives.

Even In The Dark The Son Does Shine

What the sun reveals when it dances in the field right before dusk........

And I smile because only he can paint this way. It's His light that reveals beauty before the dark.

At the same time, it's His light that reveals what is dark........It's His light that reveals the dirt in the corners of my soul. Yesterday His light was shining and showing the ugly side of me. Like a spot light

And me, I was standing center stage. All raw and wrapped in the flesh. My meek and quiet spirit wasn't anywhere to be found.

I just couldn't seem to get it right.......And the more I tried to gain control, the more the darkness seemed to creep in. And doesn't the "dark one" lavish in my self pity? Doesn't he tell you that you will always be a failure? I prayed hard for night to fall, for the dark to fall and hide the ugliness of the day.

But even in the Dark The SON DOES SHINE. When life was hitting me hard, when the baby screamed, and the kids were just being kids, I gave up and threw in the towel. I gave in and let go. But He never did....Let go I mean.

When it's hard to find the light with in you. Remember The Son still shines on you. And He reveals what is pure, what is lovely. In the same way He also reveals the darkness, the ugliness..........What He revealed in me yesterday tells me I need to be molded. That I have not yet arrived. That I need never to think that I have........arrived I mean. That I can't do this alone. That I need Him. That I gave up to easy and let go too soon.

 I know my days are not always gonna be Sunshine and rainbows. But I also know the moments in my day wether they be quiet and calm or loud and abrupt, are either enhanced or hindered by my attitude. By my darkness.......What I'm trying to learn, what He is trying to teach me over and over again is gentleness. And there are days when I believe I've got it! Until yesterday hits. What I think He is trying to tell me is that I don't lean on, think about, talk to, focus on HIM enough. No where near enough.......I still have these moments when I'm running like I'm on my own. I can handle this alone.......And then I find myself wandering lost in the dark.......

He always seems to bring me back......Back into the warmth of His light. It's amazing how dark ones life can be without the SON............

Before The Last Moon Rises

I'm here.......... way down here, wondering how far it is to Glory? I often think about how the journey will be. Rising up, sailing past the puffiest of clouds on into the orange creme cicle sunset......

I had a dream the other night. It was more like a night mare.......One that had me grasping my pillow as tight as my hands could hold something, anything......My heart racing, pounding as if it were going to explode. I dreamt of a time to come for you, for me........

And I feel that I need to tap this out before another sun sets.......I was up home and the time was near. I was frantically going from place to place checking for those.........for loved ones left behind. Because He was calling my name and beckoning me to come home. And I kept saying Lord wait.......There are so many here that don't know...........that don't know you and if they just speak your name then won't you save them? Won't you save them from this horrible fate?

Can't they come home with me before the last moon rises high? And He kept saying, no child it's too late. It's just too late.

Oh please hear my heart Beloved! Don't wait til it's too late.....I know why I had the dream....In Sunday school class we are studying Revelation. It's a book that shouldn't be skipped over. One that you should read. And if it makes you squirm, makes you uncomfortable well that's because it's true......His word is true. Did you know that in the very beginning of Revelation it says

 Blessed is the one who reads aloud the words of this prophecy, and blessed are those who hear, and who keep what is written in it, for the time is near. Revelation 1:3

And what I'm writing may make you squirm. It may make you uncomfortable........You may stop reading my Blog. But I'm here tapping this out for you. For you who need to hear. In this life you weren't meant to go it alone. In this life we are far from perfect. But I know the Perfect One. He can right your wrong before the Judgement throne........And when that day comes you would be ready.....It wouldn't be too late.

The book of Revelation should be read, studied and shared........the book of Revelation should start a fire blazing inside your heart. A strong desire to share the Savior. This Easter Sunday Won't you discover Him who rose from the grave. The one with nailed scarred hands. The Perfect One who gave His Life for you, for me.............

and for those who use to know me way back when. I'm not the girl I use to be. Oh I'm still sin soaked but I have a Savior. The God- man that walked this earth so many years ago. And if he can change this heart of mine........

Oh Beloved aren't you tired of searching?

Emptied Out, To Be Filled Back Up

In the morning I rise and I ask Him how to be a better Mama. How to be a better wife..........

And the gentle morning breeze blows in. I'm sitting in a chair that has done it's share of rocking. It's old, worn and torn. I know what it takes.  And the one thing that keeps running through my mind is let His light shine bright in you..........Serve like He serves, live like He did when He walked this earth, Love like He loves.........Let your light shine. Don't ever let the shadows of darkness creep in and hide Him who lives in you.

After 18 years of emptying my heart and asking for His love to be poured back in, you would think I would have it all together, you would think I would know how to love like Him, to serve and sacrifice like Him, to give like Him.........You would think I would know how to keep my light shining like the Son..........

But I'm sin soaked, always will be until I meet with Him face to face. Until He brings me home......And so I go on living this life He so graciously forgives each time my heart emties out to repent of the hurt and the dirt that I have filled it up with. I empty it of self and fill it back up with .............Love, His forgiving, grace filling love. And as each grace filled year goes by I'm constantly changing as The Potter Molds His Clay. Each Day I feel I'm becoming that Mama, that Wife He wants me to be..........And I love how He loves me.

I Will Always Be Their Mama

We sit in an office that's crisp and clean and at the table two gentlemen sit discussing the "what if's?" I squirm cause my mind can't stop racing with each question being asked. And I know that what's being asked will gradually get harder to answer. These things you hope will never happen this early in life, but it's better to be prepared.

And I'd rather be somewhere else with my man, any where but here discussing our hypothetical death........

And I try and think happy thoughts between hard moments. We just got our baby goslings in. My son and I share this hobby. It's just something him and I share together, it's what we have in common, it's how we relate, how we come together........and the questions one by one keep coming........

And the girls and I, we have this garden. We pulled herbs from the earth the other day and hung them up to dry. It's just something we do, it's what we have in common. It's how we relate, it's how we come together.

I look at my man cause I really don't know the answer to this next question. He is wiser and more grounded than I, and I find I need him, especially at times like this.

And as I'm typing this I'm thinking about little man and how I have to run him to his baseball game tonight. I don't mind it's what I do, it's who I am.....

And then the sound barrier in my head shatters. I try to hold tight and choke back tears. I knew it was coming......."And who will get your children if you both should pass in the near future?" All I could think of was NO ONE!......no one can rock my baby like I can, no one can kiss away the pain and the hurt. No one can make boo boos feel better like this Mama can.......Like their Mama can.

Johnny looks at me as tears well like ponds in my swollen eyes. That's why I'm here! I'm proud to be their Mama. I want to be their Mama.......God please let me be their Mama. I wanna walk with them and hold them. I wanna laugh with them and cherish them for as long as you will let me.

And these hard to grip moments are what life is, here on this side of heaven.........It's another step towards going home, another bridge crossed. These are the moments that prepare your heart and strengthen your soul.

And I pray to my Father in Heaven Because Him and I, that's how we relate......We have His Son in common. It's who we are, It's how we come together. It's how we will be together......All of us, My Man, our kids.......In Heaven there are no "what If's?" In Heaven we will always be together.......I will always be their Mama...................

"On My Own"

Extra proud that he thought of it on his own. That he saw what it could be lying there on the ground. This little man of mine thinks he's ready for a BB Gun. Daddy says "He'll just have to keep on making them till I say he's  ready."

There's a notch in just the right place to pull the trigger.........

He found some pvc and made his scope. Drilled some holes to make it look authentic and I smile and ask You really did this all on your own?  And the world stands still, freezes in the moment, while my mind races through the files of pictures and the memories of my baby boy. Where on earth is it? The file with the exact point and time, when he grew up before my eyes.....and all the while I'm trying to figure things out.....He is explaining all the little details of how he made his gun,  "with only a little bit of help Mama, I did most of it on my own."

Then I smile wide and cringe hard inside at the words that had escaped ......."On my own"

For some reason it's not so hard to imagine anymore ...........

I'm secure in knowing that although they will all be out on their own, they know they will never be alone.

 I'm always amazed at the speed of life and sometimes I feel I'm standing on the outside looking in. Watching my present escape me, minute by glorious minute.........I choose to take every one of those gorious minutes wrap them up in a pretty bow and keep them for another time when I need to smile, when I need to remember they grew up knowing they were never alone.