I Will Always Be Their Mama

We sit in an office that's crisp and clean and at the table two gentlemen sit discussing the "what if's?" I squirm cause my mind can't stop racing with each question being asked. And I know that what's being asked will gradually get harder to answer. These things you hope will never happen this early in life, but it's better to be prepared.

And I'd rather be somewhere else with my man, any where but here discussing our hypothetical death........

And I try and think happy thoughts between hard moments. We just got our baby goslings in. My son and I share this hobby. It's just something him and I share together, it's what we have in common, it's how we relate, how we come together........and the questions one by one keep coming........

And the girls and I, we have this garden. We pulled herbs from the earth the other day and hung them up to dry. It's just something we do, it's what we have in common. It's how we relate, it's how we come together.

I look at my man cause I really don't know the answer to this next question. He is wiser and more grounded than I, and I find I need him, especially at times like this.

And as I'm typing this I'm thinking about little man and how I have to run him to his baseball game tonight. I don't mind it's what I do, it's who I am.....

And then the sound barrier in my head shatters. I try to hold tight and choke back tears. I knew it was coming......."And who will get your children if you both should pass in the near future?" All I could think of was NO ONE!......no one can rock my baby like I can, no one can kiss away the pain and the hurt. No one can make boo boos feel better like this Mama can.......Like their Mama can.

Johnny looks at me as tears well like ponds in my swollen eyes. That's why I'm here! I'm proud to be their Mama. I want to be their Mama.......God please let me be their Mama. I wanna walk with them and hold them. I wanna laugh with them and cherish them for as long as you will let me.

And these hard to grip moments are what life is, here on this side of heaven.........It's another step towards going home, another bridge crossed. These are the moments that prepare your heart and strengthen your soul.

And I pray to my Father in Heaven Because Him and I, that's how we relate......We have His Son in common. It's who we are, It's how we come together. It's how we will be together......All of us, My Man, our kids.......In Heaven there are no "what If's?" In Heaven we will always be together.......I will always be their Mama...................