If You Really Want Him To

Our home feels empty. We are less 4 of our 5 children. So my hands, they keep busy. Time will only drag sitting idle. And I'm never really one that wishes time away. But I must confess, Oh how I wish time would fly to have them all here with me again. All under the same roof. I remember noticing this a time or two before, how loud the silence can be.

I sit here in the still, dark, quiet of the night.....my children resting their heads 1200 miles away. And just to say that I miss them doesn't come close to how I feel.  Right now I'm thinking about how people have made comments like "I don't know how you do it?" I'd go crazy with 5 kids!" And I cringe because I remember them saying this in front of their children. What a message that must of sent to them..... Well right about now I'm going crazy with out 4 of my 5 kids! And I've learned over the years that God can work wonders in your heart if you let Him.....If you ask Him....If you really want Him to. "I don't have the patience to do what you do!" Please friend, hear me out, I have not arrived on the Best Mama of the world train. I'm still a work in progress. You see, I've  been asking Him to do wonders in my heart. I've been asking Him to give me the heart of a real Mama....The Mama He wants me to be. Children are a blessing in God's eyes....So shouldn't they be in yours?......in mine?

What I BELIEVE is that my heart is changing, growing into this wonder....This God Given Wonder. It's what makes people WONDER how I do what I do....How I love to do what I do! And my man could tell you that if God were to Bless us with another child I would love it........And I wouldn't care that you'd think I'm crazy. I'm who I am because of who God is in me. And I've seen time and time again where he has pushed out the selfishness and bitterness that this old heart would hold so tight to. I've seen where He has given me a love for people of all walks of life.......I've felt the love of teaching someone else's  kids in Sunday School and Homeschool Co-op. These are things that if you knew me years ago, I/you would never think I would be doing now.......

But I am. I'm living proof that God can change a life and heal a heart. That He can give you patience, strength and endurance to face what ever your facing. He can change your heart to love what you thought you never could. To do the impossible. If you ask Him, He will do wonders in your heart. If you really want Him to.....

And please hear my heart! I'm not telling you to have more kids. Only God can place that desire in your heart and only God should. What I am saying is that with God all things are possible and He can change your heart for anything in this life. He can change an unforgiving heart into a forgiving one, a hurt and broken one into a healed one, an impatient heart into a patient one. What ever your heart needs He can restore, He can make new! If you really want Him too......