Come What May

It's her first and she's my fifth.......The whirring of the mixer, the loud singing of Mama pretending to be Julia Childes....... the way I always do when there is a Birthday Celebration. Her eyes wide with smile and heaven's sparkle.

 As she watches her crazy Mama twirl about, her eyes filling with sleepy slumber. She naps and I drink in the moment. As we all know these moments are but a breath, a whisper and then they flee......

They were always simple, still are........these Birthday celebrations. Just Close Friends and family gathered round.

And I can hardly believe this year that has been marked by muffled new born cries, little man not so sure, Big sisters all a flutter,  and Gentle Giant falling in love. The year has been tagged with deep, rich giggly laughter and wonder, A growing love, one that we thought couldn't grow any deeper, wider, stronger. And she mesmerizes us all.....

I'm still in amazement how God moves and changes hearts. How He knows just what we need, just when we need.......

And all this, while all of this goes through my mind, I say to myself, I will choose to be thankful come what may.  I'm thankful for what ever He brings our way.

I'm thankful for cakes upside down, days all turned inside out, Things not quite what they seem, Thankful come what may.............

I'm thankful She came our way 1 year ago today. Truly She is a Blessing in more ways than we ever dreamed she could be.........But then again I'm so very Thankful that all of them have come our way............

COME WHAT MAY............................I'M THANKFUL.

He Took My Spot

I'm finding I day dream more often lately, due to lack of sleep.........I find pictures like this and they take me away. Inviting me to come and stay for just a while........We have been under the weather over here. And we are just starting to crawl out from under the storm. Having been hit hard, one by one they fell. They too, wishing they could be anywhere else but in the moment they had been given.

Couldn't I just take it away? Take the head spinning, deep throat coughing, high fever burning and just make it disappear? I know this Mama wanted to take their spot and let them be free from sickness and the pain it causes.......But that wasn't possible.

I do know of someone that has taken our spot, so we wouldn't have to. The spot of Redemption....... Someone who loves way more than this Mama ever thought she could love.........This God-man that walked the earth, took up our cross and placed Himself in our spot. And in our place He put Mercy and Grace. Enough for EVERYONE. And even though, here on this side of heaven, there are tears, pain, illness, and heart break........He promised that we would have a place where none of that exists. After this life has all been but exhausted.

For some of you it's hard to grasp, hard to hold onto. That a King would come down off His throne to suffer and die.....to pay the price for you , for me. But He did, Oh but He did, as no one else could. The God-Son without blemish, dirt, and filth. He took your sin, my sin and he wore it  along with the blood and the spit that had covered Him. And He took it......He took the beating, the whipping, the NAILS. He took our spot.

I encourage you to read Lee Strobel's Case For Christ if your doubting and wondering............

It's a good start into digging and finding truth. Read it along with the Bible Where only the truth can be found!

"Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. Matthew 7:13

Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. John 14:6

Blessings Abound for you and yours!

Eyes Wide Open, Head Held High!

"Mama I know what kind of cake I want, can I make it?"

What? Make your own birthday cake? That's against the rules! I laugh, she giggles that deep belly giggle she's had since she was 2. Oh how I love that girl's laugh, it's like no other.....contagious, it'll make you laugh even when you don't want to. "I want the 1-2-3-4 cake with Raspberry filling and cream cheese frosting!"

I question how she became 13 all of a sudden......This feisty 2 year old who had to have her socks just so, and her sleeves just right. My little blond headed ball of sunshine. Full of that deep belly laughter. It always bubbles out of her.

She is like no other......Head strong, determined, just plain Happy to be who she is. Her Beauty is truly found with-in and it over flows to the out side and makes her as pretty as a picture. And I often wonder......If back then, I were half the girl she is.............

And I find I need her. Not for things to be done, but for her smiles, her laughter, her witty remarks, her loving spirit.........I find I need her presence. I need my Sunshine!

13 years ago my 10 lb. 2 oz baby girl came bursting into this life, head held high. She rolled over right after she was born and turned around then lifted her head to look up at her new world. She came into this world with storms and tornadoes all around. The midwife almost didn't make it in time.

She came into this world, eyes wide open, head held high, STRONG. And if any one knows my Shiney, they will tell you that's just who she is today.   Her heart is full, her Savior lives there. And she Serves.......Eyes wide open, Head held high, Strong in the Lord. If you have never met this amazing girl, you'll have to take a moment walk up to her and shake her hand. You will know right away what I am talking about........She is my Sunshine and oh does she shine BRIGHT!!!   I love you sweet baby girl!

Learning The Hard Way

I'm a slow learner, always have been. Things always seem to take a while to sink in. Growing up my Daddy would always say "Kimmy your always learning the hard way......Why is that?" Sometimes I still choose the hard way. I have the battle scars to prove it. Love all done wrong. Me all wrapped up in me and no one else.

Years have flown by before I ever really learned about the order of Family. It's called JOY....... Jesus First, Others Second and You last. And it's funny to me how friends can come and go, but a good strong family never leaves. And no matter our differences, all the little quirky annoyances that we seem to talk to eachother about the other. In the scheme of things it really doesn't matter. It doesn't matter how one raises their own. How one justifies a decision made. It doesn't matter if your right or wrong.

It matters that you stay together, differences and all. It matters that you come around spend time with those you love. It matters that you communicate through the awkwardness and the "I wouldn't of done it that way" moments. It matters that you pull together and accept eachother no matter how wierd, how difficult, or how mad you get. It matters that you hold on and pull through. Memories are in the making if you can move on and push past the hurts and misunderstandings. If you can accept them the way they are because they have always been that way and you learn to love them any way. You learn to find the good , find what you love about them and hold onto that. I think the most important lesson I have learned recently is to laugh the things off that offend, the things that drive you crazy and just let them slide..........Life is too short to hold onto the negative. My Daddy always taught me to look for the good in everyone. Focus on the Good in your Family and make the bond that much stronger......The walls will fall down and you will see the heartfilled, teary eyed moments. The simple love moments that you wouldn't see if you were always focused on the things that blind you from seeing LOVE.

I wasn't there but I heard how just the other night A big strong man in my life spoke of his Sons, his family and his life. And as he spoke tears pushed hard and he tried to choke them back, but the love was too strong. And as the flood gates were being forced open, another strong man in my life (the one that keeps me grounded when my life takes flight) his head bent down as he was swallowing hard, the tears that persisted and made lines down his cheeks. Those are the moments we miss when we refuse to see, when we refuse to come around because of differences. And me I'm just as much to blame as anyone.

And I'm still learning everyday, how to be God's child, how to be my man's wife, how to be a Godly Mother, daughter, sister and friend. I'm still learning the hard way, swallowing tears for things said and feelings felt. The hard way etches deep and ingrains itself in my mind. I guess all those years of learning the hard way is the better way for me. I remember .....................JOY

Praying, Mama's Mortar

These old blocks they have been around for quite a while now. I'd say oh about 13 years. Every child has built their masterpiece with these. Every child has called me away from what ever it was that was keeping me busy, just to come look at what they had accomplished........

and each one with their own imagination, uniquely different..... My oldest he would build nothing but loading docks for his toy trucks to back in to. My sunshine girl would try and build towers that were taller than her. Butterfly girl has made a village. I was working in the kitchen when she pulled me away.

And of course there is a place for all her nature friends. A home for each animal. I often wonder about their foundation. Are we helping enough? Are we doing enough to make a strong foundation for them? And the blocks that they play{ed} with, can you tell what their life might be like just by looking at what they build?

Gentle Giant always working with trucks, always dreaming about trucks. always has. He's got a business mind just like his Dad.  Sunshine girl building towers that tower over her. It tells me that there will be nothing too high that that girl won't climb to get to the top and she will grab your hand and cheer you on to encourage you to make it to the top with her. Butterfly girl building a small village and taking care of those that live there. She has a huge heart and it bleeds for those in need. And my little man he builds roads. He is one to pave the way, to make a path for those who need to see there is a way.

What ever they end up doing, who ever they end up becoming I pray their foundation is a strong one. I pray they  remember they built their structure on SOLID ROCK. I pray they will always carry the Bible, which is the mortar to hold any human together.

As a Mama I will always pray until I'm old and grey and these lips can no longer speak prayer.......... I will help be the mortar.

The Author Of My Life

In the stillness of it all my mind wanders to a time that is coming and I can't seem to stop the clock. I can't stop this life from unraveling. I tell him how I wouldn't mind having another precious gift.......And he smiles and shakes his head. Asking why this yearning?........

I stumble over my words and try and grab the ones that will make sense to him. Because he thinks differently than I do. I tell him I guess it's because I'm enjoying her so much and she's not little any more, they are not little any more. They are growing up so fast and I can't seem to stop this spinning, I can't slow this crazy fast paced life down.

I don't want it to go on...........I want it to stand still. And when I hear the very words that fall out onto the floor weighing heavy and falling fast.......He said " Kimmy that's life, that's what it's suppose to do. We have kids they grow up, they have kids and then you will have grand kids to love and take care of and like it or not we are getting older"........

His words sting hard and I swallow tears that he can't see. I know he is right. But my mind lately, just can't seem to wrap itself around them growing up. I know it happens, I guess I just didn't expect it to happen quite this fast. It's like reading a great book and I have to end a chapter in my life that I'm not so willing to do right now.

It's easy to speak words of encouragement to someone else......but to actually take your own words and use them.....I feel as if I'm choking on them trying to get them back up and spit them out.

 I love my man, I love how he keeps me grounded when my life takes flight. And this will take some time, time for me to wrap myself around closing a chapter. And when I do, close the chapter I mean. I know this next chapter will be amazing. Because God is the author of my life and I trust him. I trust Him with my life.

Be Captivated

I'm still at work, still in creative thought mode. These things take more time when life seems to interupt more than I had planned.  I am thankful for the interuptions........The unplanned interuptions.

I've learned to welcome the disrupted schedule, the unexpected moments. I use to get frustrated all the time.....and I guess there are times I still do. But in those spontaneous moments are gems, precious nuggets of lessons to be learned. And I'm always learning, I never stop.................... learning I mean.

And there are those times that I still beat myself up over the things that I don't do with them. But that's not me talking........It's the words of the evil one filling the vulnerable spaces that I've left unprotected. It happened on the way home today. So many things I want to accomplish while they are all still under our roof.

And I almost fell for it. I almost bought into it. How do you get over the thought that you may be failing miserably............Get a pen and paper and write down all the things that you have accomplished through out your week and you will be amazed at the time well spent and the love freely given/ received.

1.Baking Cupcakes with my Girls
2. Reading to them
3. Open Door Sunday
4. Co-op
5. Hugging & Kissing every day
6. talking freely with each of them
7. Making dinner with my oldest girl
8. laughing with my Gentle Giant
9. Correcting my little man then snuggling with him
10. Rocking my baby
11. Just being here for them!
12. Bible time with the whole family
13. Teaching them
14. walking with them

And this is only Wednesday! :)

These are the books that I'm using for the Beatrix Potter unit study we are going to be doing soon. I also found a wonderful web site.  http://www.peterrabbit.com/

And by the way I have a bible verse for you if ever start to feel the way I did today......
Philippians 4:8 “Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.”


Let Him captivate your every thought......Let Jesus captivate your every day..........

I Believe

In all my days, in my quiet ways........... In my whirling, twirling days, I Believe............ I believe miracles go hand in hand with the Father in heaven. I believe you can't love, unless you have been loved. I believe giving is a far greater feeling than receiving.

In all my craziness, in all my unstableness I believe there is strength in the light. In the light that shines with in, through out and all around. I believe His light shines and sheds away the dark and evil to reveil your true beauty............. His true beauty.

In my sadness I believe I still have JOY because Joy is something far greater than the smile on one's face. Joy is knowing, trusting, BELIEVING that one day He is coming.

I believe you can never measure life by what you do

Or who you are..........Because it's all about what He has done and who He is that matters, that measures the fullness of His love. 

In my serenity, In my peace I believe that stuff is just stuff and it clutters and chokes out life......... I believe it's ok to have, but not hold onto.......not hold too tight to. I believe these things can come between and push away, eat up precious time and dizzy the mind.

I believe in His love and that he sent his one and only Son for this sin soaked Mama. I believe He knows I still mess up........often. I believe He is a forgiving Father, The second chance Father,The unconditional Loving Father. I believe my past can play with my mind, but my past is not who I am today. I believe He has left my past behind and wiped the slate clean.

I Believe I have been Forgiven............Do you BELIEVE?

The Fruit Baring Tree

 Little tiny buds peeking out from a fruit baring tree. So small in the beginning and pale green. Invisible beauty all wrapped up in a tiny little package. You wouldn't think anything wonderful could come from a small insignificant little bud..........

And then a glimpse of whats to come. Blushing pink and vibrant green. A sign that the tree was planted in fertile soil. Well taken care of, groomed and nourished.

Blossoms so fragrant, so sweet. Like the taste of a peach, melt in your mouth sweet.

 The trees have yet to bare fruit. Growing and patience go together, hand and hand. They marry into one. With patience comes the growing. With growing comes the fruit. And there is wisdom in it all.

And this is how we raise our children with patience. So they will grow into wisdom and bare good fruit. For they will be known by their fruit. We will all be known by our fruit. In all my days gone before I know this now more than ever. I want this for them.......In all their ways may they grow in wisdom and in truth. May they follow His lead. Keep what is good and do away with what is evil. Oh that they will always remember to share in love no matter how old they grow...........May they always bare good fruit.

"Make a tree good and its fruit will be good, or make a tree bad and its fruit will be bad, for a tree is recognized by its fruit. Matthew 12:33