Are You Taking Pictures?

One thing I realized this week going through years of pictures is that the number of pictures started to dwindle as the time went on........I found myself wishing I would of been more up to date with my picture taking.......Found myself wishing I made the time to put music girl in his lap so that she had that memory......Found out that it hurts when you go about your day and don't take the time to just stop what I am doing to go make memories......Found out how much I took him living forever for granted. Always thought I had time. Thought he would be here......for a lot more years.

Sunshine girl frantically looked for just one more recent picture, One more precious memory. Gentle giant came in and asked why there hadn't been any more memories put on paper.......And with all these crazy days of just trying to get things done you realize that you have forgotten to do the one thing that was more important than all the rest..............taking time ....making time to record the memories.

Funny how death brings light to life......Strange how losing one makes you hold tight to others.....Makes you forgiving of all you couldn't let go. Helps you to understand that this thing called life is more precious than your chore list.......

And as time dulls that piercing pain I pray that the memory of lessons learned will not dull or fade too.

This weekend brings family and friends. This weekend brings memories. I'm charging my camera battery right now as I type.......Why not get your camera out too, before that one person who was suppose to be here forever is no longer here....

It Started With Him

You always wonder how you would handle the news......No matter how much you think you are prepared for this thing called life, it comes whipping in like a storm and smacks you in the face. knocks you down, makes you lose your breath. Moments like these certainly put life into perspective, makes things chrystal clear. Shows you what needs to be worked on....What needs to be let go...Shows you how to be thankful for what you were given.

This family it comes together often. Every holiday, every birthday. It started with him......He led well. Was honest about life. Thought he was always right and oddly enough more times than not he was. And when we thought he wasn't, it provoked deep thought, led us to find the answers for ourselves....But it always started with him.

After the shock comes the memories.....they flood your mind, make you smile, make you laugh, make you fall to your knees and hurt that deep hurt that comes from loving so hard..... comes from years of living. Doing what is good ...Learning how to come together after we fall apart. Realizing that blood truly is thicker than water. Knowing we won't always get it right, but always forgiving when we get it wrong.

The family has been going through piles and piles of pictures. So many memories....Soo many stories...WE all sat around the table yesterday and what I loved the most is when we were sharing our memories, it was the laughter that filled our home and in the back ground, I could hear that man's laughter.....Little man walks out to the porch to sit by himself...I meet him right where it hurts. He tells me "Mama I can still hear his voice. I can still hear his laughter." And I could honestly tell him from my heart that that is the one thing you will never ever forget! It will always ring in your ears. The crackling sound of his voice. And many times you will find he will be your voice in all of the lessons he taught you. Just be willing to listen......

If legacies are what make the man, then the legacy he left behind is one of Strong Faith in the Lord. You knew that about him if you knew him at all. What I will miss the most is his prayer before we all sat down together to eat or celebrate......The Patriarch always took his place....It was him to lead his family in prayer. He was first in line for the food. It started with him.

The legacy of family, this is where his passion came roaring in. He wanted to be involved in every ones life, Every little detail. It was his passion to help you, because he knew best. He didn't want to see any of us fail. Sometimes that was hard for us to swallow.....Hard for us not to rebel.....I rebelled.....It's those moments that make you wish you would of handled things better than you did....My man taught me how to repect the man he called his father....RESPECT means a lot in life. No regrets. No do overs.

And how do we get to that place where the daily habits of his life won't hurt us so much? How do we go through another family gathering without our Patriarch? How do we.........live with out this man that has been such a dominate figure in every one's life?  When will the tears stop flowing? When will the pain not be so piercing?

I've been in this spot a couple times before......I can still hear the crackling laughter of my own grandpa ringing in my ears. I remember the pain of losing him and how piercing it was. What I know is, time can dull the pain, but time can also make you miss them more. It's only by the Grace of God that we as a Family will be able move on. Our focus now turns to our beloved Matriarch.....Oh how she is loved. And oh how much she needs us all right now.....For a long time to come. 57 years together, morphing into one. He was her world.........It started with him asking her out.....It started with him.......

Be That Gift That's Worth Opening

How do you find the grace to change with the seasons? How do you let the Sun wash over you and be at peace as your vessel begins to fade to grey? And when do you find that moment where things just aren't the same? ..........Because it's always changing, some one is always growing, learning and turning into a different version of self.

They tell me it's a slow progression, but I tell you it's anything but slow. I turned my head, blinked for only a moment and here I am looking at my man and asking how we got from there to here so quickly....... and this life is only but a whispered breath. Mama says "The days are long, but the years are short." And she's grasping, trying to hold on.....I feel her pain of wanting those days back. At the same time she rejoices in the present.

So many times I ask how we can be in two places at the same time?  In One place your holding on not wanting to lose your grip , the other, your learning how to let go gracefully.

I don't claim to have the answers to life, but  I do know life is not meant to be lived alone. Life is meant to be shared. All the ugliness, all of the raw moments, all of the "fall on your face" kind of days, they were meant to be shared. All of the bitter sweet growing pain moments, All of the very first time moments, the sentimental moments, The whispered "I love you" moments, were meant to be given and not kept.

A life lived "Real" is a life worth sharing.

Even the messy, raw moments of life should be shared. To be real in front of on lookers makes them aware they are not alone in their mess.........That real people have regrets and make mistakes....That real people don't have it all figured out and no one should ever be put so high on a pedastal that they end up breaking when they hit the ground. Living this life can be confusing, but it's never with out meaning or direction. He is your light in the darkest of nights.

You are someone's God given gift. Someone He chose just for them. And you are more than likely a gift to multiple people. Be the gift that's worth cherishing, worth opening, worth remembering.......Because this life is but a whispered breath. Spend every moment as if it were your very last. Change is a given......Learn to grow from it. Learn to roll with it....But most of all, learn to share it!

Something About This Place

I was never made for the bright lights of the city. Never wanted to be in large, loud crowds and places. And when ever I find myself there I feel anxious. There is something special about being where trees never see pavement. So peaceful to hear the birds sing their lonesome song. To see the fence line in the morning with slow milking bovines chewing cud on the other side is devine.....

Something about sinking your hands in the earth makes you feel at home, makes you remember where you came from. Something about the setting sun makes you feel the rythym of the internal time clock.

There is something about being able to provide and sustain on this God given land. Something about farm life that makes me feel I'm right where I need to be.

Something about being close to God's creatures as you learn their purpose  and yes even their charm.

I can't imagine not being able to hear, see, touch this quiet piece of land. Can't imagine not feeling the grass between my toes or that earthy smell of flowers and fresh cut hay. Can't imagine not having that feeling of wanting to spread my arms like wings in this wide open space........

Something about the many faces of the sun as it rises and falls to the rythym of the day. The mysterious way it hangs so perfectly. How it calls the moon to take it's spot and rightfully so.

And as I take in this beauty day in and day out.......Dusk til Dawn as I hear the morning choir of birds chirping to the evening song of crickets and a lone barn owl bringing in the night......I am truly and deeply thankful and humbly blessed to be given these gifts every day!

I take a deep breath and breathe in LIFE..........