I slip into bed with my man who was already there a few minutes before me. I breathe deep and tell him I hate this part about being a Mama. And he asks "Why?" as if he didn't know........ Sometimes I really believe he asks the obvious just so that I can talk myself through the tight tugs and pulls that seem to stretch my heart a little bit further, a little bit more each time......
And moments like this?....My Mama never told me about. She never told me how the heart hurts as it's being stretched. And I know it's because you could never possibly explain the love of a Mama....Never really quite understand until you become one yourself. And Mama if your reading this I want you to know how much I understand and feel the growing and stretching pains that you have endured yourself..... And I'm sure you would tell me those growing pains, they never seem to stop......
They leave all packed and ready to go at 7 a.m. And the little boy that used to ask me to marry him is now 6 foot tall asking me not to cry in front of him. I hold it in the best I can....If he could only see, if he could of witnessed these years and how fast they flew by...for me.
And Sunshine comes up all pucker lipped ready to plant one smack dab on my lips. The way she does when she's all goofy and lovable. And I believe if there was a way to stop time I would of right there at that moment until I was ready to let go. Because letting go always seems to sneak up on you. You can prepare yourself all you want......I must tell you, you are never completely prepared.
I had a talk with God last night and as I was asking Him to prepare my heart, I told Him the only way I know how to get through the letting go is to know that He loves them so much more than I ever could....And that gets me through......
I want to share something with you that you probably already know...... Hold onto each an every moment. Accept them all as blessings. Say "Yes" more often. Dig deep and find patience....These forever moments never last forever! Give in, be goofy, laugh more than you already do.......hold on tight but not too tight to where you can't let go. Love them out loud so they never have a reason to doubt you love them! Pray boldly with them, in front of them and when they are not even around.
Because Mama they leave way too soon and you will find that you were never prepared to let go this early!
Sunshine girl told me not to cry until they left because she didn't want to cry with me....Well Sunshine I'm still doing okay...A few tears here and there. But I bathed you all in prayer and WE serve an Amazing, Almighty God who loves you both more than I ever could. And I'm still learning, still trying to figure out how to let go.......I must tell you my hearts strings are being pulled and at times it feels like they are going to snap! I love you both with all my heart! Forever and For Always!
Love,
Mama
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