She's been wanting to sit in my lap a whole lot more lately. Wanting to hug and kiss just a little more often. She caresses my cheek and whispers "My Mama" and I whisper back "my Autum." and I'm struck with the reality all over again how time waits for no one. So I hold on just a little tighter because I feel that all too familiar feeling of losing my grip.
Baby Zoey is cooing and gooing as she smiles at her big sister, but big sister pushes her away for the first time today. My heart hurts because somewhere along the line I've missed it. I've missed all the warning signs again. Some how she went from adoring her to not wanting her.
I've been through this before with my little man...the one who says he "always wants to be my baby."
With each child there is a precious love...no more no less. I never knew a heart could hold so much. It's amazing to me, this Mama journey. There is nothing that compares. Nothing else can make you ride through so many emotions. Nothing else can make you feel like a complete failure one minute and the next your over joyed and can't believe God blessed you with the awesome responsibility of being their Mama. Nothing else can fill your mind with frustration, confusion, and overwhelming fear that you may have ruined their lives.
And there are times when all I want to do is live right there in the moment and just soak it all in....and there are times when all I want to do is move on to the next moment fast.
Nothing else makes you want to freeze time and wish time away all at once. Being a Mama can make you feel proud and guilty. Being a Mama can fill you with fear and worry...and Oh I know it's a sin to do both of those but, I also know there probably isn't a Mama out there that hasn't felt both.....It's the nature of the sin soaked. I also can tell you that you can get both of those emotions in check when you check in with the one who holds their future.
And in that moment right when she pushed her away she realized what she had done...She quickly caressed her cheek and whispered "My baby Zoey."
She's doing so well...She loves her so much...She's finding it awfully hard to share her Mama. So many changes in her little life. From being a big sister to being a big girl and wearing big girl panties.......If I Kiss those sweet cheeks, whisper "My Autum" and hold her close through out the day I believe she will make it through this...We will make it through this.
Nothing else can make you want to walk away and then regret leaving the minute you walk out the door. There is no greater human Love than the love of a Mama.....
And to my Mama...I now understand so much more! I feel your heart and hear your voice. I can honestly say I know how you feel.......
Blessed Beyond Belief!
And there are times when all I want to do is live right there in the moment and just soak it all in....and there are times when all I want to do is move on to the next moment fast.
Nothing else makes you want to freeze time and wish time away all at once. Being a Mama can make you feel proud and guilty. Being a Mama can fill you with fear and worry...and Oh I know it's a sin to do both of those but, I also know there probably isn't a Mama out there that hasn't felt both.....It's the nature of the sin soaked. I also can tell you that you can get both of those emotions in check when you check in with the one who holds their future.
She's doing so well...She loves her so much...She's finding it awfully hard to share her Mama. So many changes in her little life. From being a big sister to being a big girl and wearing big girl panties.......If I Kiss those sweet cheeks, whisper "My Autum" and hold her close through out the day I believe she will make it through this...We will make it through this.
Nothing else can make you want to walk away and then regret leaving the minute you walk out the door. There is no greater human Love than the love of a Mama.....
And to my Mama...I now understand so much more! I feel your heart and hear your voice. I can honestly say I know how you feel.......
Blessed Beyond Belief!
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