But, The Way You See It........

I've asked this question before. You know the one....."Why do certain people come into your life?" The ones that don't stay for very long but, you wished they had. The ones that bring you pain and you wish they didn't.

My heart has been hurt in the past and I fear I have hurt hearts too......In those altering moments when life comes at you full bore and you wonder, What in the world just happened? And when your in the moment you have to ask, why?

Because the way you see it, you would have been fine with out it. Life would of gone on just fine with out the pain or the frustration.

And the way you see it.....the grief is just too unbearable......."How in God's Grace can I go on?"

And the way you see it, You've done everything just right. You thought you tried real hard. And yet it wasn't hard enough.......

No matter what you do or what you say.....they will never see things your way. When the apologies aren't enough. And you have to let go just so you can keep that one thing that makes you sane. And the way you see it you would of been better off with out them. Life would of ran so much smoother.

Sometimes people they come and no sooner do they arrive they disappear. You try desperately to keep in touch because your hearts, well they have become best friends.  Then the letters and the Christmas cards they return to sender, address unknown. I've been there. I was the sender........

I've lost people dear to me through death.....And over time after the grief I would have to say I wouldn't have missed it for the world! The love, the hugs, the moments forever etched in my mind.

No matter how people come into your life or why they go, remember It's all in how God sees it. It's what you learn from it. It's how you live after it. It's what you do about it.

It is God's Grace that helps you  move on. It's God's grace that helps you let go. It's God's grace that makes you stronger. It's all by God's Grace. It's how He sees it.

And when you don't understand while your drowning in the moment, know that He understands. He sees the big picture. He brings you out of the trauma or misery so you can be refined to see His Glory......His plan.

Know your never walking it alone. This is the battle ground before our final destination. He never promised an easy life, but He promised He would never leave nor forsake you. This life changing journey you are on......It's the way God sees it!

"Wait til___________."

Wait til you find out for the first time that your going to be a Mama.

Wait til you feel the first kick.....

Wait til you hear your baby's first cry......

Wait til you hold your little miracle for the very first time.....

Wait til you see the perfection of God in every little finger tip and baby toe......

Wait til you look into your baby's eyes and fall hopelessly in love.....

Wait til you brush your nose against his God kissed cheek......

Wait til the first smile, first laugh, first time rolling over, first step......

Wait til the first time you have to let go just a little bit and you feel like your heart is being ripped from your chest.....

Wait til the first time he says "I love you"..........

Wait til the first ride with out training wheels......

Wait til you teach her the lessons you have learned while walking through this life....

Wait til you tell her about Jesus and she says His name for the very first time, so precious.......

Wait til you sit in his first truck and your weeping over the steering wheel praying for his protection and you tell God that you don't want to let him go!

Dear mama, 

You will probably get a lot of "Wait til's" through out your journey of being her Mama. And regretfully I must tell you that most people will try and make most "Wait til's" negative. I want to encourage you. I want you to know there is so much more than the hard days and long nights. I want you to breathe in every moment as if it were your last and remember those moments, they don't last nearly as long as they should. You will find yourself looking back and wanting more.

I want you to know there is so much more to being a Mama than your days all done wrong. I want you to know it stops being about you the moment that sweet child is put in your arms. And when you learn to let you go and give them grace your time gets sweeter. I want you to know that this love you are about to experience is like no other you have ever felt before. 

I want you to know your journey doesn't have to be like others who have gone before...Dear sweet Mama, I'm still waiting for the terrible two's and I have been through them 5 times over. I'm still waiting for the horrible tweens and I've been through them 3 times over.....I'm still waiting for the rebellious teens. My teens are anything but rebellious...Honest! they are really good kids!

I want you to know I have enjoyed every stage, but it's not to say I haven't had my days turned up side down. It's to say there are more good days than bad. It's to say it's all in how you handle the situation, because Mama truly does set the tone of the home. I love my littles, middles, and teens! They are so precious to me...Funny, mischievous, creative, talented, cheerful, giving, energetic, stubborn, lovable gifts from my God!  

When God comes first in your walk, life just seems to fall into place.

So when the next "Wait til ________________________." comes your way, just calmly smile, nod your head and walk away from all the negativity and show them it doesn't have to be that way!

What is it?

It's funny to me, just when you think you have this God thing all figured out and then He shows you, you really don't have a clue. I thought I knew where He was taking me. I was sure He wanted me to go another direction......

And what is it when all of a sudden you feel that strong pull? When you didn't expect to stand up and say yes........What pulls you in the opposite way?

And when you try to find excuses of why you shouldn't, because really you don't have the time. Or do you? When all your excuses are excused away because He has found a way around them. He has found a way for you to serve although it might not be in the way you thought......

What is it when the chills, chill and the goose bumps, bump? When your thoughts gravitate to something or someone other than you or what you had in mind.....

I was apprehensive...I said I had to think it over and pray.

Come Sunday morning He spoke to me through out the service. And what is it when you feel like your the only one in the room among hundreds? When the message was made for just you........When the answer was in the preaching...

He may not be sitting directly in front of you giving you the answers to all your questions. But if you are still just long enough, If your sincere at heart, He will show you in all the small ways. In all the chilled goose bump ways. He will talk to you in a Sunday morning Sermon. He'll pull out all the stops, excuse all of the excuses and show you, you had the time all along.

He speaks to you through your Husband pushing you out of bed to get ready for Church. He speaks to you through your children reading their Bibles late at night. He speaks to you through the rising of the sun and as it sets to tell you your day is done. He scatters the stars and showers the rain. He blows the wind on a hot summer day. He brings the thunder and calms your storm.

He is what makes you feel and think the way you do. He is what pulls you in the opposite way of where you wanted to go. He is all the answers......... to your, What is it?

He is God


And who knows....that direction I wanted to go in, may be in the near future. This may be just a stop along the way, a stepping stone to prepare me for what's next.....

Blessed Beyond Belief

She tries so hard to love unconditionally. She's done so well up until now......

She's been wanting to sit in my lap a whole lot more lately. Wanting to hug and kiss just a little more often. She caresses my cheek and whispers "My Mama" and I whisper back "my Autum." and I'm struck with the reality all over again how time waits for no one. So I hold on just a little tighter because I feel that all too familiar feeling of losing my grip.

Baby Zoey is cooing and gooing as she smiles at her big sister, but big sister pushes her away for the first time today. My heart hurts because somewhere along the line I've missed it. I've missed all the warning signs again. Some how she went from adoring her to not wanting her. 

I've been through this before with my little man...the one who says he "always wants to be my baby."

With each child there is a precious love...no more no less. I never knew a heart could hold so much. It's amazing to me, this Mama journey. There is nothing that compares. Nothing else can make you ride through so many emotions. Nothing else can make you feel like a complete failure one minute and the next your over joyed and can't believe God blessed you with the awesome responsibility of being their Mama. Nothing else can fill your mind with frustration, confusion, and overwhelming fear that you may have ruined their lives.

And there are times when all I want to do is live right there in the moment and just soak it all in....and there are times when all I want to do is move on to the next moment fast.

Nothing else makes you want to freeze time and wish time away all at once. Being a Mama can make you feel proud and guilty. Being a Mama can fill you with fear and worry...and Oh I know it's a sin to do both of those but, I also know there probably isn't a Mama out there that hasn't felt both.....It's the nature of the sin soaked. I also can tell you that you can get both of those emotions in check when you check in with the one who holds their future.

And in that moment right when she pushed her away she realized what she had done...She quickly caressed her cheek and whispered "My baby Zoey."

She's doing so well...She loves her so much...She's finding it awfully hard to share her Mama. So many changes in her little life. From being a big sister to being a big girl and wearing big girl panties.......If I Kiss those sweet cheeks, whisper "My Autum" and hold her close through out the day I believe she will make it through this...We will make it through this.

Nothing else can make you want to walk away and then regret leaving the minute you walk out the door. There is no greater human Love than the love of a Mama.....

And to my Mama...I now understand so much more! I feel your heart and hear your voice. I can honestly say I know how you feel.......

Blessed Beyond Belief!