Life And All That It Holds

My days have been full, but I am still here. Among the toys and clutter. Among the books and papers......I find life and all that it holds. Being consistent seems to make the hours catapult into the past. And me, I'm just trying to get it right. Trying to remember how to be their Mama through the screams and the shrills. Through the laughter and horse play, the nit picking and the teasing.......

What I find while trying to remember, are teachable  moments for them.........for me. Sunshine Girl asks me to help her with bible study and I am taught by her willingness to want to learn more about our Teacher. And I watch as Butterfly Girl has been consistently getting up to do her chores and be ready for school on time every morning with out one complaint......I watch little man as he prays for his brain to start working right. He doesn't want to get in trouble again. I watch Gentle Giant go quietly off into his room to study. Some how I missed it.....Some how over the summer while he was away......He grew up and turned into a man, or so it seems.

I'm still here in all of this.......The wonderful, busy, crazy, grace filled, teachable moments..........And I'm learning as we live life. I'm learning that all days will not run smoothly....but in all ways He is there in every moment. In every teachable moment and if I slow down, take a deep breath and swallow GRACE I will find LIFE and all that it holds............

It Matters to Them

When all hope seems lost.......When you struggle to make sense of the senseless.....That's when you dig deep and find your faith.

Through all the muck and the mire this world tries to bury you with.....dig deep and pull hard. It's there. It's what your made of. It's where you get your strength from. It's what gets you through this life.......It's what gives you LIFE.

And I have to believe that for every broken heart and every battle lost, there is one more heart mended and one more soul gained for the victory of this war. But the war still rages on........

 And I'll be that soldier in this battle on this side of heaven. I'll fight this war for her, for them.....Their future. For if it were just for me, it wouldn't matter. But their freedom matters to me....Their future matters to me.

And the crowd that showed up in His name at the board meeting tonight made a difference. We can still make a difference. And even though only a few spoke, the crowd that sat silent, spoke even greater volume!!!

 My man and I were driving home and I look at him and say...Tonight gave me a little hope. It sparked a little hope  that all is not lost. And that maybe we can fight just a little while longer, just so they can have the freedom to speak TRUTH. The freedom to WORSHIP. The freedom to PRAY. The freedom to read their BIBLE. The freedom to keep ONE NATION UNDER GOD........

He looks over at me and smiles that smile. The one that he always gives when there is nothing else to say. And the rest of the ride home was in silence...........

If you want to make a difference in your child's future, get involved. Stand up for TRUTH. Because it matters when you do. It Matters when WE do. It Matters To Them!

The Pink Polka Dot Dress

Her favorite color is pink. She squeezed through the clothes racks, dress clinched tightly in her hand.  This Butterfly girl of mine all excited holding the dress up to her chin, smiling saying "Oh Mama isn't it beautiful?! It even has a pink sweater to match." I ask her how much? I look at the tag.....It's more than I would spend, but maybe it's on sale and if it is we may be able to get it, but don't get your hopes up. "Ok Mama, I wont!"

And as we walk through the store My three girls and I, I catch her eyeing that dress.....her hand caressing the smooth fabric, admiring the pink polka dots. I smile as I realized she had already become attached.

We head for the dressing room to try on our finds....Giddy as girls should be. One asking the other Does this look alright? And do you like how it looks on me? and we laugh when an outfit was just not meant to be. All the while Butterfly girl admiring her find. We get to the register, I ask the cashier if she could check the price. She comes back with a total.....I look down at my baby girl and tell her that it's just too much..... The cashier lays it aside. She looks down at the floor trying to hide her disappointment trying so hard to be a big girl, choking back the tears that were welling up in her hazel eyes.  She was never one to throw a fit when I told her no...So easy going and laid back. I look at the cashier and she too, could feel my butterfly girl's broken heart. I'll take the dress, I said.....I bend down, kiss the tear away from her eye. I'll let you have the dress.

The look on her face is one that I will carry with me all the rest of my days. So surprised that I changed my mind. I would of paid full price for that moment alone!

I tell the cashier I normally would stick to my guns and to be honest I don't ever think I paid that much for a little girls dress before. But somehow this time seemed different. This was one of those moments where you had to throw caution to the wind and just give in.......give into the moment.

Sometimes it's okay to do something out of the ordinary....Something you wouldn't normally do. something to make my Butterfly girl feel special.

On the drive home I hear a small voice from the back seat say "Mama, Thank you so very, very much.....I'm gonna feel like a princess tomorrow when we go to church!" I smile wide with a small tear in my eye. Because to me she was already a princess, even before the pink polka dot dress.......But I'm glad I could make this moment happen......for her, for me.......And you know what? I believe she will remember this moment forever! The moment when her Mama bought her the Pink Polka Dot Dress.

Mentor

I was always the one being mentored.....always the one asking when I would be the mentor. And I could hear Him softly tell me, no not yet, your not ready yet. The years went on and me always thinking I'm beyond the point I need to be, that I have arrived. But I was far from arriving.

And all the while through all the years of waiting and wanting to be the one to give the advise and walk the walk...He was sending me mentoring angels. One by one they would take their place in my heart.

J.J. He keeps me Grounded when life takes flight. He has captivated my heart, always will. My Thinking Mentor taught me to think for myself and not rely so much on others. Taught me to research what I do not know. To use my mind and not keep it idle. For when it sits idle nothing Good happens! And I love him with everything that's in me.......My STABLE, THINKING Mentor.

L.S. Oh how I love her! She has always been there. She is the one who led me to Christ 19 years ago. She helped me find LIFE.......My LIFE Mentor.

M.H. became my motivational partner, my JOY mentor. Always laughing, always smiling. So full of JOY. She was the one who taught me the Joy of being a Christian. And as I watched her laid back attitude always quick to quote scripture, she taught me this......That life will have it's up and it's downs but you will always have Him. And  because your His child your life will never be void of JOY. And I love her....... my JOY Mentor.

K.C. she became my Grace partner.....My mentor in GRACE. She taught me that no matter how messy I had made my life in the past, His GRACE covers it all. And I learned to forgive my mess...myself. I learned how powerful His grace can be. I learned we should all be REAL because that's when He starts working in our hearts. I learned that it's ok to have a messy past, your past is not who you are today. And I love her...... my GRACE Mentor.

M.P. & T.P. my prayer partners, my PRAYER mentors. In all my life I have never heard any one talk to Him, pray to Him that way....The way they do. And I'm mesmerized by their love for Him. Their relationship with Him. How they talk to Him  as if He were right there in the room, and I learned that He is in the room when you pray.... I learned how powerful prayer really is....Prayer is communicating intimately with the Grace Healer. Their best friend....Their Father. Beautiful words always gracing their lips.....Not made up, fake......Just real and heart felt. And I love them..... my PRAYING Mentors.

There are so many more that come to mind. So many Mentors that have shaped my life and touched my heart along the way. I pray that as this life of mine grows in wisdom that I can Mentor in the same way....To touch a life and grab a heart. To soothe a worried Mama's soul.  To cry with a dear sweet friend and have the right words to say and to be wise enough to know when words  are not needed. And to always remember I will never "arrive" this side of heaven......I'm just getting a little closer each and every day.

My prayer is for all of those beautiful people that have graced my life and have grown my heart....May you continue to bless those that are placed in your life at the perfect appointed time by our Father in Heaven, may you continue to make a difference in this crazy, messed up world. May you reach souls lost with out hope. May you continue to MENTOR.

And these two words seem so small compared to the impact you all have made in my life.....But Thank you....Thank you for being who God wants you to be...Thank you for being real.....Thank you for loving me enough to change my life for the better. And I love because He first loved me.........

Restored

When you become complacent, it's hard to move out of the spot you parked yourself in. Before you know it, the years ware on and slowly the rust settles in and makes hard your heart.

And what was once a shiny new tractor now sits in the woods, neglected, wore out and it's of no use to any one the way it is now.

No longer helping the farmer make perfectly straight rows, no longer useful, no longer wanted. No longer doing what it was made for.......

Are you letting years of rust set in? Have you become complacent? Have you forgotten what you were made for? Were you ever told? Oh Beloved, you are His creation. You were made for Him ........You were made to be a light in this ever darkening world.

“You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. ¹⁵ Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. ¹⁶ In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven. Matthew 5:14-16

Dear one come out of the darkness. You can be restored......You can be made new. 


For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved. Romans 10:13


Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. 2 Corinthians 5:17


When your feeling useless, He can make you useful. When your feeling unwanted......He wants YOU......He always has......wanted you, and He always will. So much so that He got off His throne, came down from heaven and walked this earth.....The God/Man that hung the Moon and the stars, was the one that hung on the cross for you, for me.........He didn't have to......He WANTED to.


And He is calling your name. Asking you to come out of the dark woods. No matter how rusty you have become....No matter how much dirt you have gotten your self into.......He Wants You......When no one else seems to. His forgiveness Is the Grace rain that will wash you clean. 


And the ugliness that use to cover your life will be separated from you, from Him....... as far as the east is from the west. And you will be restored........

Beyond our Corner of the World

The phone calls are coming in more often now. It's been nine days and me, I'm literally counting hours til bed time so I can start the next day. The next day closer to holding them again. She calls me at 10:00 last night trying to form words through her tears and the hard sobs of missing her Mama. This is a first for her and I, to be separated this long. Her first time in NY with out me.

And I grab words quick. Let her know what a big girl she is. How proud I am of her. She is my sensitive one. The one with tears that easily flow. Her heart easily bruised. My first reaction was to keep her here......but I knew she had to go. It was time she took her first practice flight. In my heart of hearts I know it's good for her......for me.

I tell her this....."If we always fear and never go  beyond our corner of the world, then we will never experience memories in the making....we will never experience life. And look at all the memories you have tied up in ribbons stored in the banks of your mind. Ya know, you will have them forever the memories your making right now....You will remember them forever. Imagine if you would of stayed here....Oh all the things you would have missed. All the Butterflies you caught with your net would not exist." And by the way she has caught over 20 of them! "My dear sweet butterfly girl, get some sleep you will feel better in the morning."

What I did not tell her is how much it broke my heart to hear her cry and not be able to hold her.... How my arms actually ached to be wrapped around her long, lanky little frame. But I would never hold her back, not from moments like this. God is slowly molding..........her. Strengthening her to become a strong beautiful young lady.

I'm here waiting to embrace her and to hear all the memories made. And I will rejoice with her and help her pin up each and every butterfly...........

Trust

August rolls in on hot, heavy, humid air. I went about my day chasing after a little blonde headed child I'd like to call my own.....but I know all too well that she's only mine to borrow. I finish snapping beans and filling jars. I clean the place where Love settles in. Moved my way into the bathroom and between scrubbing sinks and chasing the laughing shrills of a impy little girl.......I remember this, He loves me unconditionally with out a catch. There is no hidden agenda, no throwing my past back in my face. all is forgotten, all is forgiven.

I no longer have to prove myself to any one. I no longer have to fear trust.....I no longer fear trust being broken...not by Him. After years of walking sin soaked...Years of walking with the sin soaked I've learned that there is not one that is perfect....Not one you can count on fully. We always have the best of intentions, I always have the best intentions and yet I still let you down.........Your bound to let me down.

Oh don't get me wrong I don't want to hurt you and you, you try so hard to be loved by everyone. But this crazy mixed up world gets in the way and not every one is gonna love you. You can't be loved by everyone.....But there is ONE that will love you always.......No matter what you do, or how often you call, He will never tire of hearing from you. His trust will never be broken, His love is the unconditional kind, the kind that never walks away.....He'll never walk away.

Do you remember when we were little girls and the days seemed golden. The wind blowing through our hair, riding in the hay wagon. Everything seemed so safe then. We were safe then.......We always had each other. I could always count on you and you, me. And the funny thing is I know with out a doubt you still got my back. And I know there are still those times when you feel I've let you down......but I never mean to......I still let the flesh in. BUT KNOW THIS...No matter what, I will always love you. ALWAYS! And when this world comes crashing heavy down on your shoulders and you think you can't bare any more.....I'm here, I'll always be here. Most of all You need to realize that I'm not the one you need to lay your trust upon....The sin soaked will let you down.  

The God/Man wants to show you something, that through all this, the heart break, disbelief, regrets, broken trust you have someone that is forever faithful. His promises are good. With Him you never have to fear trust. But in order to get over what has caused you pain you have to TRUST that He will get you through this. And I know this is like no other that you have gone through before. And me, I'm wondering why you let someone hurt you this bad. Why your still letting it control you. But then again you were the one with the heart on your sleeve and me, I was the one that built walls and locked the hurt out. And it seems you needed me and I, you. You need to rebuild some walls, make them strong with God's strength. And I guess sometimes I should wear my heart on my sleeve.........

My prayer is that you don't let this consume you. Don't let this cripple you from living the life you were called by God to live........And who is loving it that your heart and hands are bound from doing what you love to do? You know the answer to that one. Don't let the devil have the upper hand...........He wants nothing more than to see you broken like this.......

My prayer is that God will fill your life with a love that is so overwhelming, With a trust that is all consuming and with a fire that will ignite your God given gift and that is to write, sing and play for every soul that is willing to hear your beautiful angel voice!

And I remember two little girls singing their very first song they had ever written.....

"Jolla Beath, Jolla Beath, kit kat didn't want any food. Bona wanna wuh. Jonah Beath came Rolling home.....

I love you........