Getting Back On Track

I've seen the way life runs out of control, and all too often I know the reason for the runaway train.....In my mind's eye there are times I only see what lies on the surface. Like the smear on a window it's there because someone keeps putting their hand on it......Why bother wiping it off? It's just going to be smeared again. In my heart of hearts I know it's not just the surface that needs a deep cleaning......

This Mama, she always seems to learn the hard way, the long and complicated way. I once heard that the Mama sets the tone for the rest of the family. I'm here to say, oh how true that is......I haven't been what He wants me to be. I've let things slide....... From the outside, can you tell? Can you see my smears? Sometimes we think it's the easy way if we forget about being consistent, but in all reality not being consistent is consistently setting yourself up for the ride on that runaway train. And pretty soon she's gonna derail.

I never claimed to get it right every time. I never once said I was perfect. But every day I try and find ways to be more like Him. I'm wanting desperately to be more like Him.  And I'm finding that serving takes on a whole new meaning when you are mindfully serving the one that served you........Being consciously aware of the one that gave it all for you. So I will go on cleaning that smear for the 100th time today if that's what it takes. To show them how much I love, how much I love My Savior. How much I love that I was chosen to be their Mama.

Books come in a big brown box. I open them like it's Christmas......I love to read. Sunshine asks " What's that book Mama?"   Oh it's just a book that talks about  becoming a better Mama.  "You don't need that book, your a wonderful Mama!"............and I breathe in deep and swallow love.  Did I tell you I need my Sunshine, that I can't live with out her......

But if she were to be honest she would tell you that she wishes her Mama were more organized. If they were all honest they would say she needs to be more consistent. I know they would tell you I need to hug more often than I do. And Butterfly girl would tell you that I too often say that I'm too busy and not right now.

Like the old farm house window that use to let the light shine through for so many years......He sees right through me. He knows my heart. My heart is aching to be all the things He wants me to be, all the things they need me to be. Slowly I'm getting back on track. He's consistently showing me.

Instead of letting them fend for themselves every morning for breakfast.......I've been making breakfast and we sit down together. The hugs are growing more abundantly. A new schedule is in the making....One that is more flexible. And yes I'm working on consistency. Following through.

Today my plan was to work on the new schedule and organize what has gotten out of control.......But as I was catching up, feeling good about the dishwasher humming, supper in the oven, washing machine sloshing. My day erupts and I derail. I walk into my laundry room to find 2 gallons of laundry detergent all over my floor. Long story short, I never got to the task I had planned. Have you ever tried cleaning heavy thick soap off the floor? You can't add water or the mess will multiply. And all the while I'm murmuring to myself 'Lord you want me to be thankful for even this?' It took me a good hour and a half to clean up that mess. But do you know what I found in the mess? I found me talking to Him the whole time.  And that's what He wants even in my worst moments he wants my attention. Putting your mind on him, puts you on the right track. And helps you keep your meek and quiet spirit.

The mess was cleaned up and oh does the laundry room smell sooo good!

Learning to be thankful in the not so nice moments.....Learning to keep on track even when you've been derailed. Learning to keep my mind on Him when life .............just happens.