"Bye For Now"

It's been one of those days...... head all foggy, thoughts running wild. I can't seem to hold one organized thought if I tried. and these are the times I feel I need to hide away until I get it right. I'm grasping for moments as they fleet right past. I grab hold and try and remember. Somehow I know I won't....Remember I mean.

I was talking to my Daddy the other day, I just have this field trip I'm on, But Dad I love you.................."I love you too, Bye for now."

 I'm in the car this afternoon on my way home from the grocery store and it dawned on me. We've been waiting to hear the news......I've been waiting and even though I felt inside that He was gonna be ok........I still needed to hear it from him. It's been a year since the cancer took his brother. The feelings are still raw, for everyone.

and it's these moments that all to quickly come and just as quickly get away from me.

 Hey Dad!  "Hey you were suppose to call me 2 days ago" And he laughs that laugh I've always known.....The one that is etched in my memory, and will be long after he rises to meet the son. How did the test go? "It went well, I'm gonna be ok."  It's what I felt all along, it's what I knew to be true. How could it be any other way.........This man I call my Daddy, how can life "be" with out this man?

Dad some time when you come down I'll have to take you to the Carriage Museum, you'd really enjoy it. We both share a love for History.  And Dad you need to eat better, I've gotta go, I have groceries to unload and the baby is tired.

And these are the moments I grab and hold tight to. The ones I try and write down because some how they get lost in this crazy, busy life. As I'm grabbing memories that come racing by I wonder......When did the years go racing out of control?  Am I living for today? Am I drinking in this life as if it were my last cup of water?

"It's getting harder and harder for me to make that trip down there." I try and block the words, words that hurt to hear. In my mind I keep him young. In my mind I'm still his little girl. And I go about my days as if the days don't ever turn into years........The distance keeps me in my own little world, and I can't help but think that it's a way of protecting myself from the reality of it all.

Hmmm the reality of it all, is that although life here is but a whisper........Eternal life is eternal, Everlasting, Forever. And my Daddy He drinks from the well, the well of everlasting life. I need to let him grow old, because holding him back is not doing him or I any good.

It's strange how tapping my unorganized thoughts down some how organizes them...........

Daddy I love you!  "I love you too Sweetheart, bye for now." Some day those words will have a more deeper meaning........but until then I'll go on Living For Today.

John 3:16