Never Too Old To Learn.....

I don't  believe I will ever be too old to learn....Never too old to make mistakes. And it seems no matter what age, change is never easy. Most times it's not something that we want to jump right into.

Sometimes the nit picky things that use to make ones blood boil are the very things we find that we miss the most. Things that didn't make sense then, have become crystal clear now.

We all have the best of intentions. We all want what's best.......Sometimes change is not what we need when there has already been too much change blowing in. I understand tradition now more than I ever have before. Tradition gives us a sense of security. Brings the true meaning of family closer to the heart. Tradition is the voice of the past that speaks to all of our souls. Tells us a story....A story that was written long, long a ago......And there are times when you just can't break tradition.....because with out it we feel lost, confused and unstable......

He was the glue that kept this family together and sometimes we got our toes stepped on. It was hard for us to understand then how important his ways were.....His ideas and his blunt, and sometimes overbearing, take action kind of personality rubbed against the grain.......But oh how important our Patriarch was to this family. How precious was he. How "One of a kind" he was. How he was all ours.....How much more I now see we needed him. And ironically enough isn't that what change does? It grows us...takes our blinders off. Helps us to see our selfish ways. Helps to see why we should cherish not only the sweet memories, but how we should also cherish the hard moments in life. The ones that make us feel ashamed.....the ones that show us our mistakes....the ones that bring to light how communication is the key to any relationship.

This Christmas showed me how truly selfish I had been in the past. How sometimes my words can become misunderstood.....How my thoughts effect loved ones around me...Because even though they can't read my mind, they can still read my attitude..... And that makes me feel broken inside.....

 Sometimes when we attempt to change tradition it truly shows how much we all needed to come together at the end of the day and make what was so wrong so perfectly right.


Family will always be precious to me. And no matter how big we become there will always be room at the table for just one more.....No matter how loud, how crazy how big our family becomes it will be our "one of a Kind" ...Ours to cherish from generation to generation. I pray the Traditions continue....But most of all that Jesus will always be the glue that holds us together even when we feel like we are falling apart.

God Bless you all! May you hold your Traditions close, but hold your family closer.

Only She Knows

Trying to keep busy...that's what we do when we want to stop the tears from flowing, but they seem to come anyway. Because no matter what we do his memory always shines through. Always something that brings him to mind.

Putting the Turkey in the oven this morning and all I could think about was who will carve the bird this year? That job was his. Like so many other little memories that we seem to take for granted until we look for the need to be met. And really it's not that someone else can't do it.......It's not that we need the job done.....It's really just because we feel the strong urge of needing him.

She calls me to tell me she has gravy left over from a church dinner.....Tells me the tears come so easy. I tell her "It's gonna be hard, but we are all here and we love you." And some how words just don't heal the hurt. They can't fix what's broken. Can't bring back who was lost. And I'm all about words. It's what I do to release what's bottled up. But I can't type fast enough..... I can't speak just the right words to help her......

We feel the pain, but only she knows the deep hurt. And as much as we try to tell her we understand we just can't possibly know the crushing weight of 56 years of memories...And even though they are good ...Sometimes even the good memories are laying heavy on our hearts until we feel we can't breathe. Only she knows how that feels right now.

She tells me..."We had talked about this. We talked about who was going to go first and it was supposed to be me....It was suppose to be me."

And so we all gather round her, love on her and hurt with her....Just trying to make more precious moments.

But yet we are all still very Thankful. And even though it hurts so deeply to love this much, I know she would tell you it was well worth the ride. Well worth the time. Well worth the struggle.

 I can't imagine not ever knowing him.

I can't imagine not being able to have this opportunity to love her through this.

And only she knows how deep the hurt......

Hope In Every Corner

I often think about the people that have come and gone in my life.....I am thankful for the ones who chose to stay...oddly enough I am also thankful for the ones who chose to walk away.

Do you ever just sit in the quiet of the setting sun and think about the people, places and moments that shaped you into who you are today? Do you ever just look at your aging parents and wonder how in the world did the time just get ripped right out of their hands?.....How were you placed in the very spot they were once in?

Do you ever just look for hope hopelessly and believe that it will never be found........

Do you just want to go back and change things? Words that you spoke, actions that you took?

Many times I have been out here on this piece of ground watching the sun go down. Many, many pictures taken....Many, many thoughts had come and gone, some regrets, but He chose to give grace when I chose the wrong path and for that I am deeply grateful.

As for HOPE, well it was never lost....Not if your found. As hopeless as things might seem ....Truly the Maker of heaven and earth breathes hope into your soul. He gives life and puts wind beneath your wings.

And at times this earthly body struggles to be the vessel you need it to be, but never once will your soul struggle to live. Because Hope is found in the heart of the created. HOPE is longing to be with the Maker.

We are put on this earth not for ourselves,  we are put on this earth to share that HOPE. Even in the midst of our struggles our light shall never fade.

Be the HOPE in every dark corner......Because you may be the only HOPE that some or even just one can see.

My life certainly has not been picture perfect. I've made unwise choices that cost me dearly. But wisdom comes from error and trials. It's what shapes you ......molds you. Refines you. And He nudges and urges me to be more like Him every day.....And there are times when I fail...miserably.  His Grace is more than I can understand. His mercy unfailing.......And so there is my light....My hope to get back up and try again. And I Press On.........

Wondering If God Tells You....

Went to the barn this morning. It was still dark.  It felt quite cool. I thought of you as I always do coming up the road that you and that old gulf cart traveled every day with out fail. Today is bitter sweet....We are all wondering, should we celebrate? Wondering if it's all still too raw...This empty hole that no one else can fill. I wished you a Happy Birthday in the light of the stars told you I missed you....Wondering if God tells you.......

Wondering if God tells you every night before the littles go to bed  that we pray for Grandmom. We ask God to tell you we love and miss you. Wondering if the hugs of love are heaven bound.....

Wondering if He tells you that Grandmom, well, She is holding on. She tells me all the time how much she misses her man.  And oh how proud you would be of all the kids! They've all stepped up and pitched in......Kole feeds the steers. Johnny told him he could have the first calf that was born if he kept up the good work. Oh and by the way, Kole wanted the honor of burying your earthly body in the ground......Did God ever tell you how your kids and grand kids spoke at your funeral...Wondering if you heard all the nice things that were being said. Wondering if you knew the church was packed...

And we all have our moments of tears and still wishing you were here. Really wanting to talk to you again and hear your loud beautiful laughter....

Johnny had Hunter go pick up some trees today in Cocoa Beach so they could plant them where we all said goodbye. Kieth, Johnny, Hunter and Jacob built a really nice fence and Jason stained it.....I'm wondering if you already know....

We are all taking really good care of your bride. Cheryl has her over every Wednesday night for supper. Fay has her over every day for lunch and I have her over the other nights for supper. Shiney moved in with her to keep her company......The nights are really hard, but she is strong and she will be just fine......We all really love her so....Wondering if God tells you how everyone in the family pops in on her, actually we won't leaver her alone..... Butterfly girl doesn't miss a day without going over to visit. Wondering if your smiling down on us......Wondering if you know how very much you are truly missed........Happy Birthday

Just wondering if God tells you all those things.............

Mama If I could Share With You

Mama if I could share with you......If I could tell you that your worth is so much more than you know. If you only knew how important you are...If you knew that you were hand picked by God for those babies down the hall, would your perception of this life be rearranged? If you could only see the value in being the one they get to call Mama.

The world will never satisfy...Never beable to fill you up. Never make you feel valued for who you are. Because the world's vision of self worth is slow self destruction. Do and be, lose this, gain that...Until you've lost sight of what God has instore for your precious soul.

There is no perfect potion, no magic number. No amount of status quo can fill what has left a hole. You will never be good enough for the world.......But you are always priceless in God's eyes. Precious just the way you are. Perfect for the man He chose for you. No other Mama could fill your shoes....no other Mama could love those babies like you.......

 For her children arise and call her blessed, her husband also and he praises her. Such a priceless gift to be given. He believes you are worthy. Sanctified...Set Apart......Someone with value....You are His!


So when the past creeps in and the voices get loud, tell you "Your no good".  Remind you of who you were and what you did...Know, you are never with out hope. You are God's child. Your past does not define your present! Your past is there to strengthen your NOW. Reminds you of how far He's brought you....Reminds you of how much you needed a Savior.

The world will fail you. Leave you empty and  tired of trying to be something you were never meant to be. You were meant to be His....Child of God....Precious one, let Him show you your worth. His sacrifice ran blood red and scarred deep.......You. Are. Worthy. Because of His Sacrifice.

In Our Litttle Corner of the World

In my little corner I choose hope......I choose to love even when it seems impossible to love. And when my heart breaks from all the darkness in this world I choose to be a light. That light in which He tells us cannot be hidden. The light that out shines and makes the dark one flee. I choose to be a voice for life and not death. Death has no sting on my saved soul.

I choose to speak truth even when truth no longer makes sense to most. For the message of the wooden cross is foolishness to those with out hope......But to us who are being saved it is the power of Adonai, Our God. And He reigns like a Lion in this heart of mine.

In my little corner I will be that friend you can trust...I will be that friend who has your back even when we don't agree, I will still be your friend. Because I believe there is way too much division in this world and we have lost what has made us one.......I don't care what color you are.....I don't care what you believe to be true......The only way we can get past our past is to look ahead. We are all created by One Creator. Uniquely different, but yet the same. Just as I respect you, can you respect me? I'm not here to force my beliefs upon you....I'm called to share the truth unapologetically......unashamed and with LOVE. That's it, no ties... No strings attatched. You may move on and I will not follow. It's okay.....You are free to choose.

Beloved you have to see that this place is no longer safe.....She is no longer freedom.....She no longer stands strong and defends the weak. But you and I? We can....In our little corner of the world we can stand for Hope. Stand in the gap and help the weak. Speak out for the innocent and breathe LIFE. WE can unite and be LOVE even when we disagree...We can still agree on LOVE. The Great Commission....Surely will not be easy. But it is my/our purpose. That is truly why we are here. It's not about our wardrobe or body. It's not about the nit picky things through out our day. It's so much bigger than you and I, but when we unite just think of the possibilities! It all starts in your corner of the world. Don't give up....Don't call it quits.....Stop saying it's the end. Its not over till it's over! And we know who wins.......There are aching souls out there that still need hope. The time is now!

Are You Taking Pictures?

One thing I realized this week going through years of pictures is that the number of pictures started to dwindle as the time went on........I found myself wishing I would of been more up to date with my picture taking.......Found myself wishing I made the time to put music girl in his lap so that she had that memory......Found out that it hurts when you go about your day and don't take the time to just stop what I am doing to go make memories......Found out how much I took him living forever for granted. Always thought I had time. Thought he would be here......for a lot more years.

Sunshine girl frantically looked for just one more recent picture, One more precious memory. Gentle giant came in and asked why there hadn't been any more memories put on paper.......And with all these crazy days of just trying to get things done you realize that you have forgotten to do the one thing that was more important than all the rest..............taking time ....making time to record the memories.

Funny how death brings light to life......Strange how losing one makes you hold tight to others.....Makes you forgiving of all you couldn't let go. Helps you to understand that this thing called life is more precious than your chore list.......

And as time dulls that piercing pain I pray that the memory of lessons learned will not dull or fade too.

This weekend brings family and friends. This weekend brings memories. I'm charging my camera battery right now as I type.......Why not get your camera out too, before that one person who was suppose to be here forever is no longer here....